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Shangri-La
I reached up in the sky
And grabbed the moon in my palm.
Playing a wooden flute while fireflies dance with the setting sun.
The cicadas cry warmed my heart, and I played on.
I dreamt this night as the summer died,
as the life flowed out of the world.
A faerie played a song for me on a toadstool,
something that began like 'hello'
and ended like 'goodbye'.
I saw the Moon,
naked and bathing in the water.
She took me to the Dragon Palace,
riding there on the turtle's back,
But when I returned home,
I found that many years had passed.
This must be Shangri-La.
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Comment by: larciero Online- 2008-01-23 12:40
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| very intriguing. |
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Comment by: mcwando - 2007-12-30 08:38
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| This is fantastic, and now you have sentenced me to reading your works for a long time to come,keep it up! |
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enchanting. beautiful. Essential!
perhaps best to remove the (TS.E style) evident.
may i suggest several snips and cuts?
a wooden flute--danced with the setting sun---the cicadas' song all around, i played on--as summer died--as life flowed throughout --i played a song--as i passed into their realm--and when i awoke--if i were a man who dreamt he was a butterfly--bathing in the water.
you have sculpted an ethereal piece here and the transition from modern language into dream-like state needs a light toning of everyday words=
the, but, and, are such as must be gotten out of the way of the mind's eye.
i do hope to be helpful to your butterfly's passage into poetic being.
so needed is your vision in this era. |
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