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zantocon
Brian Mullins
United States, IL, Genoa

Words: 94
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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The Little Death

There is that moment
That place in time
When your hand finds it's hold
When strings aren't strings
But notes in the air
When pulsing strands of ether
Fill your mind and soul
Thought, rational, logic
Have no place in this realm
No bars
No tempos
No music
No notes
Just the flow
From you to her
A dance
With her in the lead
No longer playing
One with sound
One with harmony
Fingers no longer strum
They caress
No longer hammer
But embrace
Making love
She responds
An orgasm is born

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Comments  
jcp200817 Comment by: jcp200817 - 2007-11-23 17:18
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Overall a good poem. Like the user above i would get rid of the gently part, but otherwise a good poem
zantocon Comment by: zantocon - 2007-11-07 10:28
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I agree completely after looking back at this, thank you for that comment and taking time to review this poem.
noneedtofocus Comment by: noneedtofocus - 2007-11-07 09:53
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The only thing I would get rid of is "gently" in line 24. It is redundant. We know they "caress" and they do not "hammer" so the embrace is obviously gentle.

Other than that...

You weave three palettes (music, the ether, and the body) of images into a ending that is not cliche. Your words are controlled and well placed. The rhythm reacts to what the words are saying. Well done.
EnigmaticSoul Comment by: EnigmaticSoul - 2007-11-05 12:30
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I love the imagery and flow of this piece. A very enjoyable read.
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By zantocon

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