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October
October
White flowers occupy
the shirtsleeve of a tire.
Aluminium cans conduct
a symphony of electricity
in a dumpster, spilling
down to an unwanted
mattress and its exposed
mouth of bedsprings.
Acid gargles in a rusting
car battery. It's that month
when we look into our
pockets and see hope,
like a cloud of starlings
chasing scattering grain,
knowing where it will fall.
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| I like this a lot. Very unique! |
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Comment by: macayle - 2007-11-24 07:09
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| I'm not sure what it is(I am NOT well-versed on the mechanisms of poetry), but there is something about the things that you described, and the way that you described them, that dramatically conveys a vivid image of fall/autumn. Even though most of what was described was not season-specific, still SOMETHING made it reek of the fall. You were either very lucky or very good when writing this. |
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| Very good poem. |
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| I love descriptions of Autumn. This has a quiet hope inside of it that I really like. The imagery is beautifully simple and identifiable. I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing it. |
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"White flowers occupy
the shirtsleeve of a tire."
Nice.
"Aluminium cans conduct
a symphony of electricity
in a dumpster,"
Sounds clumsy.
I think the poem could do without the words unwanted, exposed, and rusting
and everything after the word pockets. |
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