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deep uprising
Ah!
Puddles all over
my feet's beneath water
I'm starting to wonder
when will it be over?!
What's life?
Just some years of lies
wasted
beneath lustful eyes?
Why come to earth
anyway?
Just a waste of skin
everyday
Just live
and die...
Just live
and die...
It's like a crazy circle
going round
and round
and we are
travellers
on its doomed path
bound
For me
I'll have soda
hiding in the dark
never for once
sober
waiting silently
till my turn's over
happy I'm gone
...forever...
note;
i wrote this controversial poem for a friend who commited suicide.those were his words in a note they found on him.
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You've used figurative language well here, the water a metaphor for all that consumes you, comparing life to a crazy circle, a doomed path, the soda, not sure what, but that is symbolic for whatever it is that you are taking a bit of solace in.
Since you've written this in the first person it's all about you, but could you develop this in the public voice, the we/us? Would that make the piece more appealing to other readers? Something to contemplate.
I see you are from Nigeria. I'm sure you endure many hardships. Hope you get some catharsis from your writing,
Dave |
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| hey i guess u r totally off with ur life...life-such a small n simple word...yet so difficult to live it...nice one... |
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