The Departed
I have never loved,
as a woman should love.
I have always been wait-wait-waiting,
never chasing the train,
only an empty pot to his sleek spoon.
O, gentle waking fist,
my limb, a strength,
you have been killed!
and the puddle, it cushions the downpour--
holding, keeping,
the dirt, the mud, the rocks.
For I have never been the rain,
free to fall, to collapse and be caught,
I have never watered the growing,
nor colored the pale.
I am only a waist, a knee,
a cry, cry, cry!
And he, wingless,
has settled upon the fig leaf,
showing his back-skin,
a closeness that has been lost.
His mouth has never become a truth,
and his painter's hands
have never dared to touch the paint.
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Comment by: Dakota - 2008-02-04 06:32
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| I was spell bound. I haven't read it in a way of seeking nuts and bolts - I have read it only as the leaf floating in the stream - enjoying the freshness of the day and the magical ride. Beautiful. |
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| Gorgeous. Nothing more to add. |
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Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-10 14:37
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Well, I understand the thought of the universal we; however, I believe that the use of 'I' helps the reader feel closer to the emotion in this, making the reader unique amongst a crowd, validating his or her feelings- you keep the reader feeling important and not lost in a crowd. Universal ideas are good, but gaining a broad perspective loses focus for me a reader. 'Me' the reader becomes 'I' the writer, joining the two. When I read, if I truly relate to the emotions behind the poem, then I am the'I'....just a thought.
Anyhow, I find this poem to be one of the most compelling poems I have read. It is your truth, it is raw in its convictions, here there is nothing to hide. |
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ohmygawd, you are from Minot, ND?
I bet you glow when you walk amongst your people. |
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This is lovely. Trenchant. Aching.
You have a gift for change, for changing the perspective slightly to cause a slap.
I like the use of the first person singular, although there is much to say about D'blaine's comment. Through your use of "I", i must identify, and you are talking to me, the reader. You are talking about you, him, and that love that makes him your alter ego, your animus, as occurs sooo rarely, as occurs with (there is such as thing as) True Love.
The Pope (the last one, not the present) said, "More people are saved through Eros than through any other form of love."
Well writ. |
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