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Frost.
Maybe there is a method to this madness.
If you were a landmass you would be uncharted,
and I, a ship that's running on wishes cast upon old light and loose hairs.
I'd sail beneath your skin in rivers colored red.
Perhaps there is a pattern to my scheming.
If I comes before e and you come before me,
what is the solution to this problem?
You stump me with your mathematics yet I still can't decipher your english.
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Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-13 11:34
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| I agree with April about the first line. But, your ability to take something that seems overdone and twist into something new is so very very refreshing. The only nit I have with it is the last line. I love the end of the line, but the mathematics seems too 'rigid' I suppose. The rest of the poem flows so very well...very. Maybe it is simply a matter of personal preference :) Again, your word play here is amazing, you obviously think things through very intensely, which I am so very appreciative of. |
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| Thank you |
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| This is a very clever write but I think the first line clouds it a bit. The first line is such a common phrase, that it doesn't show how unique the rest of the poem is. I would get rid of the first line, definitely. I would still like to see you extend this concept as well. It's not that it isn't good as is, but I'm just selfish and I want to read more of you. :) |
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