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dlynn
Diane Lynn
United States, CA, Los Altos (San Francisco Bay Area)

Words: 25
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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Life's Spirit

Soaring birds
spiraling upward
eloquently
the dance of life

Floating clouds
softly dissolving
transforming
earths face

Daylights breeze
shimmering leaves

Natures harmony
life's chameleon

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Comments  
Stephie Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-13 12:33
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Not a problem darling :)
After all, YOU are the poet ;)
dlynn Comment by: dlynn - 2007-11-11 10:27
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Thank you all for stopping in and taking the time to read
and comment on my work.

Stephie- I can see what you are saying about a different approach,
but I like the passive voice more in this poem...for me anyway.
Your feedback and suggestions are always appreciated.
: )
Diane
mafsa Comment by: mafsa - 2007-11-10 01:30
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lovely images, madame! an exquisite poem.

>earth[']s face

>Soaring birds/spiraling upward/eloquently/the dance of life - beautiful, my favorite

thank you for sharing!
Mary:p
write12b Comment by: write12b - 2007-11-09 13:25
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This is nice. Evokes great images!
Stephie Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-09 13:11
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Can I make a suggestion? Take it or leave as you wish ;) I think this poem will be much stronger if you change from a passive voice to a more active one. But, I love the abruptness of the lines. You clearly present the poem's forceful imagery.
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