On April 31st 2007, The Annual Conference of Mythical Creatures met in a recently created crop circle within the hallowed grounds of Area 51. A myriad of grainy, blurry photographs, taken by legions of fanatical crackpots, attest to this meeting.

The meeting was brought to order by the fourteen foot long Winged Monkey Man of India. First on the agenda: a contest of who could prove themselves to be the most unrealistic and preposterous being “alive.”

Nessie dragged herself to the podium. She said, “Now theoretically I’m supposed to be a plesiosaur, yet I live in a cold-water lake which doesn’t have nearly enough aquatic life to support one creature of my size, much less a population large enough to ensure a viable gene pool for adequate reproduction over thousands of years.”

Murmurs of approval rippled through the crowd. Nessie actually began to disappear before their eyes, so compelling was her argument. Then Bigfoot lumbered up to the podium and pushed her aside, vexed at being “overlooked” year after year. He stammered incoherently for fifteen minutes. Public speaking was not his forte. However, he ended on his best point, shouting, “Where be all da bones?!”

The Afghan, who spoke next, was persuasive. He emphasized that Afghanistan’s history was one of warring tribal groups with little national identity, hence there really were no “Afghans.”

Then, just as the creatures were about to proclaim the Afghan the winner, another figure approached the podium.

It was the Iraqi looking very smug.

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