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Saving You
You said you've said goodbye to all your friends,
but you can't live without them and you expect
me to come to your beck and call, but could it be
I dont want to save you anymore.
You wished for fire, to burn away
your scars but it just brought more,
then you asked me to help you call
the rain so it could wash your pain
away, but could it be Im tired of you dragging
me down, and could it be that I'm tired of saving you,
and could it be that I need someone to save me.
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Lovely poem! Strong emotion and imagery.
From what Ryan's said (i wouldn't have known otherwise!) do acknowledge inspiration - there's no harm at all in that. The harm comes when you claim it as your own idea. For example: Homage to/inspired by etc...This'd make a good discussion for the forum...
Some points:
'You said you've said goodbye to all your friends,' - could lose the first 'you said' - flows nicer
'I don(')t want to save you anymore'
'but could it be I(')m tired of you dragging'
'and could it be that I need someone to save me(?)' |
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do you listen to Seether by any chance? because parts of this poem sound strikingly similar to this... "PIG" - lyrics by Shaun Welgemoed
Have you ever wanted to die when you're without your friends?
Haven't you said goodbye to the one in whom your life depends?
Could it be that I don't want to save you anymore?
Could it be that we don't have what it takes?
Have you ever wished for fire to burn away your mind's restraints?
Haven't you been for hire or suffered those cheap complaints?
Could it be that I don't want to save you anymore?
Could it be that we don't have what it takes?
Take it away, 'cus I don't like this anymore.
Take it away and throw it away.
Could it be that I don't want to hurt you anymore?
Could it be that we don't have what it takes? |
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Comment by: Falling - 2007-11-10 12:44
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| There comes a time in our life that we need saved. Edifying each other and helping is what we should do, however most people drain and liquify you until there is nothing left to give or for yourself. I do like that you were gracious, that you put yourself out there to "help" another being. People come into your life at different stages to help save you... all you did was say it out loud. You helped her, now it's your turn. |
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Comment by: sadon Online- 2007-11-10 11:02
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its so bitter and yet..theres alot of truth in it. i like the ending,when he says "and could it be that i need sumone to save me".
Dont we all?
well written! i enjoyed it. |
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