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Gratuity
The American scythe,
George Washington,
a national cemetery,
and the marching boys
running at a good clip
toward the halo
grandstands.
The poor drink
gutter
tramp blush, fall over
and lie in the parks for
some time and spring
up
(though not for spring)
to masticate the flesh
of general metropolis.
A few dollars, enough,
for a jug, and perhaps,
a wet pussy.
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| Wet pussy. How shocking. |
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| It's honest, humourus yet related to real life but the middle part gets weird it was quite confusing to tell you the truth and yes I agree with jakemac cause I didn't get that you were actually talking about George Washington beng a cemetery but good effort though |
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Comment by: jakemac - 2008-01-16 13:53
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| oh, and maybe a semi-colon after george washington too... so its clear that you're defining it as a national cemetery. represent son |
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Comment by: jakemac - 2008-01-16 13:52
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| Man, really dig the transition to the second strophe. I must say, I probably wouldn't get it if it weren't for the last three lines there, but works together very well. About the second strophe though, it isn't entirely clear until close to the end of it. Concise that shit bitch. |
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Comment by: Loloix Online- 2007-12-10 04:05
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A few dollars, enough,
for a jug, and perhaps,
a wet pussy.
hhahaha..im thinking of you, as the speaker.. |
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