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Eleven 11 11
Their only purpose is silently to fall,
no
more
than
that.
Our only purpose is obediently to die,
what
more
than
that?
As of showering poppies, so of men,
and
so
it
goes.
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Comment by: Bourne Online- 2007-11-11 10:21
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You're right, that's how I wrote it, but here I could
....only do it
............with dots. |
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I think this is nice, but it seems like a good place to break the rule and split the infinitive.
Their only purpose is to silently fall
Our only purpose is to obediently die.
And I think I'd just make the title "11 11"
without the word "eleven" and let the rest figure it out!
Now, I don't know what you can do here, at EditRed, with the format, but have you considered stair-stepping the lines that drop down? (second edition of comment: I had to use ... to space these out.)
and
......so
..........it
..............goes?
Perhps that was how you wrote it originally? Anyway, nice work. I'd call it understated and elegant. |
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