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matyadio
Matya Dio
Czech Republic, Cesky Krumlov

Words: 70
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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ASTROLABE

I’ll give you my moon
Your birthday bash at Zodiac will blow my mind
I’ll follow you into the distant bedrooms of the seedy bars
With coconut stars and
Strawberry sunrise
And Milky Way crunching under our feet
The cobble stoned alleys and winding thoughts
To hear out the rainbow secrets
Secretly broken out
Of you
I’ll give you my astrolabe to measure our distance
Celestially Yours

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Comments  
Stephie Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-13 19:10
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"I’ll follow you into the distant bedrooms of the seedy bars" My favorite lines. I wish there more in the poem like this one. I adore the poem as is, but I want more of it. I agree that it seems to end abruptly
aprilmayed Comment by: aprilmayed - 2007-11-11 09:21
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I agree that the last line could be dropped, but I don't think the poem should end there. It would seem to abrupt otherwise. I like your descriptions. I like the way you think. Something about the line, "I’ll follow you into the distant bedrooms of the seedy bars" is so telling. I can see it unfolding before me.
mercymanic Comment by: mercymanic Online- 2007-11-11 07:28
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I really like this.

I used to go clubbing and I was rather all or nothing about it when I did. Endless parades of syrupy mixed drinks and shooters, strawberry, and coconut, and Irish cream.

Even better is the idea that something higher, something cosmic and sacred can be found in such an outing.
davidblaine Comment by: davidblaine - 2007-11-11 06:25
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I edited the review several times, not sure which version you read. Glad you liked it.

Dave
matyadio Comment by: matyadio - 2007-11-11 06:20
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thanks Dave
you are a darling
very comprehensive review
valuable opinions
will definitely look into it

x

m.d.
;)
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