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CAPTURING MY DREAMS
Could I recall the visions
And the messages sent in dreams
Perhaps I’d write
The Great American novel,
Universally revered and
Righteously sought after
In book salons throughout
New York’s
Gaudiest neighborhoods.
Maybe, but not likely,
You see.
Diligent though I may be, I
Realize that capturing the
Essence of my dreams is
Always going to be a deadline
Missed due to lack of
Sleep.
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I would agree, but just when lack of sleep hits, you... The words start to flow in making the dreams come to life... like the verse...
Glen Yumang Manese |
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Comment by: alien - 2007-11-13 08:58
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I like this one a lot. My only comment is that it might improve a touch if there was a comma at the end of line 2 - it would define the meaning a bit more as I had to read it back over a couple of times to make sure I'd got it correctly.
But I can't say anything else that I'd change because it's very polished and obviously well-thought-out. It uses the acrostic phrase effortlessly :D |
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| Doh! Sorry! |
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| The reason for the duplication in titles is because this was a contest to write an acrostic poem using the words CAPTURING MY DREAMS. There are quite a few of these with the same title. See the Writing Forum for more! |
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A quick comment, one good thing, one weaker thing. Well, the weaker is a small nit to pick. Your title. A few moments after you posted your poem, another user posted a poem and guess what her title was? Capturing My Dream. And I'm sure she hadn't seen yours. It's just a case of not pondering something more unique for your work. How about Deadlines Missed? Anyway, what I liked was your use of internal rhyme. you see...may be
That's the kind of natural rhyme that serves as the salt in a poem like this. You're writing conversationally, and that's good, but you are using a few poetic devices to differentiate between posey and prose.
And you're not trying to force your work into a strict form with end rhyme.
Keep up the good work.
Dave |
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