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two women
Two Women
one solemn one silly
sit at a wooden table
and read each other's work
they laugh they cry
written words to surface
to show to share
kitchen wisdom
in great rifts of passion
dressed in light fare
some solemn some silly
one classic one rustic
borrowing burying
sorrows in serious lines
writings of toil
memories of soil
never far from tears
never faint from fear
they laugh at the script
some solemn some silly
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Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-14 12:34
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| Thats why I enjoy this site. I put up poems that I am not sure of really and hope to get osme fresh perspective from other writers. I am always happy to add my two cents, this is something I love doing. I enjoy critiques. I am on to more of your poems now, I love your voice and your perspective to those things around you. |
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my very own reader's forum, my very own editing team, complete with brainstorming in slow mo. it opens up so many possibilities, applicable to all writing.
thanks for the English 102. and philosophy too.
david, stephie, i am honored by your sincere voices. |
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| Good catch, Stephie. It's always good to play with tense and pov. For instance, Nadine, what if you took it from second person to public voice and made "they laugh, they cry" we laugh, we cry? I'm not saying to do it here, but it's a process once the poem is written, to explore the other angles and see which one rings most true to you. |
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| stephie, of course! i must have been trying to hide behind the words again. consider it done, it falls better on the page. thanks. |
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Comment by: Stephie - 2007-11-13 12:48
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| I love this poem, but I wonder if it would feel that much stronger by putting it in the present tense, as it has more relevance than just what you observed at the time. It is now. |
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