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you hot vinyl hop,
you cotton-wool jolt,
you cannot be stopped
or predicted,
you cannot be gained
or lost.
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I really like the short, abrupt feel of this-- the ending is quite a different feel though. It doesn't quite go with the rest of the flow of the poem, but I think it's best that way; it reflects the jolting, scarred nature of the piece. I want to give some advice on this, but I'm not sure once. I feel like it could (possibly) be made better, although it's already wonderful, but I'm not sure how...may I ask what this is about?
