Beyond the Border - Challenge
I didn’t tell them in the pub where I was from but they guessed. My accent gave me away immediately and they had tried not to offend me by staring but that just made it worse. I was used to staring. At least if they stared there was an awe and fascination in their faces that was almost complimentary.
“You can look if you want. It’s fine.” They jumped a little when I said this. I had read their minds; I had stolen their attempt at being casual.
“Look at what?” The blonde was going to attempt it anyway. In a quick, concise movement she flicked her hair off her shoulder. The skin was bare and flawless.
“This.” I pointed at my face, not to be outdone. “You can look. I’d rather if you did and then got used to it.”
“Why would we look at you?” she sniffed. “Don’t be silly.”
I looked at her incredulously. “But, I-”
“That’s just like them, you know,” she continued. “Always making it out to be worse than it is. Like there’s some kind of war going on... Your face is fine.”
“Oh,” I was speechless. “Ok.”
Relieved, the others sighed and returned to normal conversation. Unseen, I reached up and touched the deep grooves etched into my skin. Two years later, they still couldn't remove all of the bomb shrapnel. Things were different beyond the border.
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*waves*
A very nice write, if I may say so.
I wasn't even thinking about a 'ravaged' face. My mind was focused on beauty. I thought the woman had arrogance. haha She was like, "mmm hmmm, I'm one hot mama."
Hmmm. Not much else to comment on, other than the fact that it addressed one of the many awkward situations people are put in when they are faced with a person with deformities.
Cheers,
A |
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Hello Louise,
I enjoyed the dialogue of this piece, as well as the sentence "I had read their minds; I had stolen their attempt at being casual."
In the final paragraph, is "groves" supposed to be "grooves"?
Thanks for posting this piece.
~J. |
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I saw what was coming - the ravaged face - but that didn't make this any less well written and strong.
I love the idea that there are places where people don't react negatively to physical differences.
My only suggestion would be to remove Lucy's name. If I've understood correctly, these are comparative strangers to the narrator, so I was a bit thrown by her knowing one of them by name.
But this reads really smoothly and confidently, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Particularly liked, 'there was an awe and fascination in their faces that was almost complimentary'. |
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