The Afghan (Wee Challenge #18)
The curtains in Father William's study were yellow. It was a cheery yellow, the color of butter or just-ripe bananas, the yellow of foodstuffs rather than that of signs reading "Danger: Falling Rocks" or "Slow: Deaf Child." Its very presence made Julie feel calm, almost sleepy, like a baby with a warm bottle. Yellow would protect her. Yellow would make her a child again, tender and blameless, the kind everyone wanted to pick up and raise to the sky. She touched the curtains and the matching lamps and wallpaper, hoping the benevolent force of the color would seep into her bones, making her glow.
It was the afghan that had created the void, shattered her sense of being at home in the world. It had begun so simply as Father wound the blanket around her silent, shivering frame. Now it lay coiled at the base of the coat rack, in much the same shape she had assumed when it was all over, the whimsy of her daydreams replaced with raw, animal urges. It was red, the afghan. Red as Eve's apple, as her own blood, as the stinging welt on her conscience.
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
Hello again! :)
Great use of colour! Provocative images. A compelling rhythm to your writing.
My favorite line, by far, has to bed, "Red as Eve's apple, as her own blood, as the stinging welt on her conscience." It implies so much so little.
You use your words well. :) |
|
|
| I loved the way you played with the senses...drawing me in with yellow, then jarring and shocking me with red. A brilliant piece. |
 |
Comment by: L J - 2007-11-15 08:36
|
|
Superb - why? Well, you have used most of the senses. Sight.Touch. Taste. Your pacing is flawless. The image is vivid. I agree with Iancslass about yellow in the first paragraph diluting into red in the last paragraph.
Great flash - well written - deserving. |
|
|
Thank you, Toni, Anna and Rebecca. I appreciate your feedback!
Yes, an afghan is a knitted blanket or shawl. :~) |
|
|
Wow. It just kind of sinks in to your comprehension in an incredibly unforgettable way. Because it is so subtle, but powerful. I have to admit to still being utterly perplexed about this Afghan business. It's a blanket, right? It's the only bit I can't imagine in all these stories. I have never heard of a blanket called an afghan.
Weirdly a story about Afghanistan on the radio just now. |
| 1 2 Next |
|