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Rebeccaji
Rebecca Bista
United Kingdom, London

Words: 242
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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Beyond the Border

Paschal is afraid. Everything he has known and understood has disappeared. There is no light in the street and a strange smell of burning. The shops are empty. No one is sweeping the pavements, or throwing out rubbish, or standing on the street corners smoking or eating a sandwich, dropping crumbs. No one is yelling at him to get the hell out of here like the dirty dog he is.

Everything is quiet except for a low hissing and crackling from the buildings. He goes into the bakery, but it is empty. Only a scorched and blackened window. The long counter is cracked down the middle, the wood split into jagged splinters. There is no bread. The floor is hot and Paschal is limping. He is searching for voices he recognises, for people who will give him food – bread, scraps or a few bones, anything.

At last he hears low murmurs. The sounds are coming from an alley. Closer, he sees the flickering light of a small fire, and the silhouettes of figures: one, two, perhaps three. He drops on his belly and whines softly as he approaches.

The figures move. One lifts its arm. A shot, followed by a richochet, rings out and echoes up and down the empty, bombed out street. A man’s hand reaches out and pulls the dog’s warm corpse into the doorway and, with a knife, begins to disembowel and joint it for the fire.

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Comments  
lancslass Comment by: lancslass - 2007-11-18 11:13
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An intense story and a sad one. However, it's no doubt true to the way things would be. I enjoyed the read and the writing. Anna
LadyMoon Comment by: LadyMoon Online- 2007-11-18 07:14
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Hello.

What a dark piece. It made me quiver. I'm a bit of a sympathetic when its to animals (people inclued) being hurt. I blame astrology.

I actually like the piece the way it is (just read Thula7 post). The reason I like it the way it is, is because it shocks you. It's that sharp twist from seeing to being dead. The impact of the piece is recognized with that sharpness.

Well done.
Rebeccaji Comment by: Rebeccaji - 2007-11-16 01:23
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Yes, you are probably right. The viewpoint change is deliberate - also shift from it to him and v.v. for the dog. Dog can hardly have a view after death!
Thula7 Comment by: Thula7 - 2007-11-15 18:04
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Lovely post-apocalyptic piece. Only one thing stuck out to me. The last paragraph has a viewpoint change. (I'm guilty of doing this too.) When the dog dies, he no longer knows what is happening. You should have a new paragraph for the man. Something like:

The figures move. One lifts its arm. A shot, followed by a richochet, rings out and echoes up and down the empty, bombed out street.
---
A man’s hand reaches out and pulls the dog’s warm corpse into the doorway and, with a knife, begins to disembowel and joint it for the fire.

Just a suggestion, thanks for the read.
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By Rebeccaji

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