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alzariah
joanna juliette
Mauritius, social welfare centre road, Goodlands

Words: 100
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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i want to know you more...

Let me feel your pains,
let me a way to your darkness,
let me a hope to share my love to you,
let your trust fall on my shoulder.

I think you feel I am perfect,
I think you feel I never cry,
I think you feel I never fear,
I think you feel I have not
known your world.

But, let, me tell you,
the times I cry,
the times I fear,
the times I fail,
the times I was in bitterness.

Cause I want to share the
love my angel gives me to someone
that needs it more...

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Comments  
alzariah Comment by: alzariah - 2007-11-17 06:23
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thanks for your advice i will try to do it!!
lucy Comment by: lucy - 2007-11-17 03:28
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The two middle stanzas stick out much for me. They hit the heart like a dagger. I think you could take just those two and place them in a dialogue poem and it would work so well. Nice Alzariah!
alzariah Comment by: alzariah - 2007-11-16 20:29
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thanks, very much for your kind advice! it has helped me a lot!
Cherley Comment by: Cherley - 2007-11-16 12:22
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A nice caring and sharing poem. It seems to be for the perfect friend. What Country are you from?

It's hard because the translation losses something.
In American English, something like this:

Let me feel your pain, let me share your darkness, let me hope in your love, let your trust fall on my shoulders.
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By alzariah

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