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LouiseKay
Kirsten Locke
United States, Oregon, Vernonia

Words: 188
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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A Meeting of Strength

The young girl crouched beneath the great oak as she caught her first glimpse of the ogre. He was tall for one of his kind, with great bushy clumps of ear hair and long, smooth ivory horns that curved up and then down and then sideways again from atop his head, like some huge, wild bull ripe for an arena. Yellowed tusks protruded from thick, blackish-green lips under a wide nose. Small, dark eyes fairly glowed red beneath thick, greenish ridges.

With each shuddering step he took, small pebbles and other items jumped and rattled. Behind him dragged a broken tree trunk which he swung about from time to time, splattering anything that crossed his path. He was the most fearsome being she had ever seen.

Gorgiana loped down the soft, grassy hill in her eagerness, her brown leather skirt fluttering. She trailed a thick club of ironwood behind her, causing a small cloud of debris to fly in her wake. With a hearty heave, she swung her club at the ogre’s foot, crushing the smallest toe. His howl echoed from the mountaintops.

Daddy was finally home.

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Comments  
bounarjaf Comment by: bounarjaf - 2008-01-18 15:42
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I also enjoyed the twist in this story. The piece is good as it is but you
could develop it into a longer work.
Comment by: - 2007-12-03 21:48
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I loved your unique description of the ogre and then the twist at the ending.
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2007-12-02 13:13
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Nice twist at the end - almost reminds me of my kids when I get home (ha!). One change I might is switching this:

"trailed a thick club of ironwood behind her"

to something like this:

"dragged a thick club of ironwood"

the object being to remove a pair of repetitions ("trailed" & "trail", and "trailed" & "behind her")

Regardless, this was hoot to read. I loved it.
Bernadette Comment by: Bernadette - 2007-11-20 08:03
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Haha - last line's a killer!

A few (I hope useful) comments:

I would move "atop his head" to after "...sideways again...." - just seems smoother to me.
Comma between thick and greenish.
In the last two paras you use the verb "causing" three times - easily done when you're writing but hard to ignore when you're reading.

Lovely picture - I'm still smiling.
1

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By LouiseKay

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