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Dreaming Of You
My mind saw your face
before my eyes met yours,
your voice rang in my ears
before i actually heard your voice.
I closed my eyes, and felt your touch
before i ever knew you.
I walked down the street
and wondered,
Is he the man I love?
Now I see your hazel eyes,
hear your deep voice.
I don't imagine your touch,
and finally,
I know I have the man
that I've dreamed of.
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"Dream Dancer" that's your name.
I like the line "I walked down the street" because the rest of the poem is about feelings and dreams and the street line is noisy, busy, and with a path of sterile (!hardly!) concrete ... a very nice juxtaposition. |
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Comment by: sarra - 2007-11-24 11:34
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This is beautiful!
One bit of critique, though, and it's not bad!
- your voice rang in my ears
before i actually heard your voice.
I would say the usage of the word 'voice' twice in the same line is too much. Perhaps if you changed it around just slightly to read more like:
"Your voice rang in my ears
long before I actually ever heard it"
that makes it flow better to the reader, I think.
Just a suggestion, of course! Other than that, this is just beautiful. |
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