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jauhar
Violet Alma
United States

Words: 143
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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Dam you

Dam you standing there judging me!
Have you ever had to walk a mile on your knees?
Have you been the places that I have been?
And seen the faces that I have seen?
Or the scenery which are so mean?

Have you had the things done to you, what have been done to me?
No! You have never had to walk a mile in my shoes!
And absorb my abuse.
Never have you heard the words that I have been told.
Nor have your head banged against an unopened door.

But I don’t hold any grudges against you.
I watch you standing in your gold shoes, but I don’t know your tune.
Maybe I am wrong ’cause I don’t know what you’ve been through.
May god forgive us both so we’ll know next time what to do.

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Comments  
sadon Comment by: sadon - 2007-11-20 07:22
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I've heard alot of people tell me that I use rhymes too much and it sort of ruins things for the poem. I however never saw it and I guess it made me feel like the rhymes completed it. But i think i see what everyone meant. The concept of your poem is great and I like it,but the rhymes really do get too predictable! I can sense the anger and the pain in your voice when you're comparing you and this other,the things you've seen and the other has not. It says alot..but i guess YOu could cut down on the rhymes!
Nice otherwise,real nice! :)
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By jauhar

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