 |
 |
 |
| |
The Illusion of a Scene
Saturday glows listlessly
and falls, broken and done
I, likewise, despond
Set to languish, placed with little esteem
On lonely plaster, where only a window breathes
Vigor to dissolved antiquity
I breathe vacancy and a vicarious view
Left to hang eternally in this empty bedroom
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: - 2006-02-17 04:57
|
|
| This puts me in mind of turning on the TV or computer and seeing such vacuous and vapid scenes as, say Paris Hiltons' face promising me that nothing will ever matter. |
 |
Comment by: alien - 2006-02-16 15:32
|
|
Good poem. Again, not really convinced about the punctuation - it's so important to get it right in poetry - but loving the devices you're using in your 'illusion'.
All the L's (ListLessLy, Likewise, Little, Lonely, pLaster, Left, eternaLLy) make it very Luscious (LoL - oh shit - stop with the L's already!).
Contrasted with the sharp V alliteration in the penultimate line, this give depth to your illusion.
I like the lines:
"Saturday glows listlessly
and falls,"
and
"only a window breathes
Vigor to dissolved antiquity
I breathe vacancy"
Very effective piece :)
Thanks. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
