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The Island
It was raining but the island was still visible from Grandma’s house. I sat at the window, staring outwards at the green-grey mound. My breath clouded the glass. I missed going there. She found me eventually, appearing silently at my shoulder. Her papery hand slipped into mine.
“Come away, love.”
“Please, Grandma?"
“No, darling.”
I let her lead me away. Like my parents’ photographs, the island was something Grandma avoided because it hurt.
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Comment by: Dakota - 2008-01-26 15:07
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I like that a world exists in so few words - and that you can do that.
I'm standing next to you wondering |
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Comment by: lucy - 2007-11-25 08:13
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| Tbis makes me yearn for more of the story, definitely a mystery and a history behind this small snippet. Is this a true piece somewhere? I like this. good read! |
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Comment by: Nora - 2007-11-23 08:06
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| Wow. This is the kind of flash that makes me want to know more, makes me hope you'll continue this story. Very nice! |
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Comment by: Louise - 2007-11-23 06:48
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| Oh my goodness everyone! Im blushing! lol alien and costa, I took on board what you said about the line about rain, had another look and reworked it - I actually think that what I have now works so much better so thank you both very much for drawing my attention to it and for your wonderful comments :) |
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Comment by: alien - 2007-11-23 04:00
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I agree with costa about the line that seemed out of place. But if I read the story correctly, it is absolutely essential to the story.
Hard to shift stuff about in such a short piece when you're on a word limit, but I wonder if you could start with the rain adn then introduce the island.
To be honest, I can't believe that you've managed to get SO MUCH atmosphere and detail into so short a piece of writing. I got a really solid picture in ym head of a stone cottage in the middle of moorland, sheets of rain all around and a little girl in her best dress and shiny shoes sitting in the window with a ribbon in her hair. Where did I get all that from? Well, your words supplied my imagination with all the right materials. There's definitely a back story, but there's plenty of room for the reade to supply that for themselves, which is why this WORKS.
This is Flash at its best, I think.
You've done extremely well here and I'm going to bookshelf this for future reference, to remind me how it's done :) |
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