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Island
It was clear. The water pristine, the sun flowing over the hills like leaves embarking on a forever journey. Forever in eve, the clouds wafted through the warm drafts that nurtured the Island. Trees sung to the birds, and the flowers bombarded the grounds. Blue surrounded the sultry atoll, beckoning the tides to follow. Animals roamed their imprints close behind. Fern turned her head upwards towards the hills smiling, as an arrow pierced her skin…
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Sounds like trouble in paradise.
Trees sung to the birds: that's something you don't hear everyday. Pity about Fern.
Well written and plenty of attention to detail.
mynamelez |
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2007-11-22 09:52
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Have to say, I didn't think this was going anywhere until that last line. It seemed like description for description's sake - but then the beauty was shattered, so suddenly.
Well done.
Cheers
Karen |
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Comment by: RSK - 2007-11-20 10:32
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Well, that's the suspense I wanted to create.
Maybe I'll write more on this...
Thanks though. |
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Comment by: sarra - 2007-11-20 10:30
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that ending was so SAD!!!!!!! and the over use of exclamation points should show how sad it made me. Other than that, this was very descriptive without being overly so. I liked this a lot.
Makes me wonder if Fern is a human or animal. Hey, some tales take things from animal pov. Either way, it's sad. :( |
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