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Your body is a temple
And as such, my life will serve as testament
To this worship
I will erect palaces of grandeur
In celebration of your skin
Festivals will commence in your dimples
Churches shall come to be
Preaching the love and beauty of your eyes
Salvation will be known in your lips
Men shall dedicate their lives to the study
Of your mouth's serenity
The sky will be clear, and the sparse clouds
That dare exist
Will drift lazily past your head
Avoiding your keen mind
Rivers will flow down you
Giving life to those who would be sustained
By your navel
In that precarious hollow
Eveloped by your radiance
All will bow before your vivacity
And will live in awe and wonder
Of the many gifts
Your breasts provide
They will shield your most faithful
From your eternal glow
(For those who cannot bear such splendor
For long periods of time)
Time will stop when you sleep
As you sustain the existance of all those
Who would wish to be surrounded
By your eternal love, grace, and happiness
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What a lucky woman to be the victim of your idolatry! :)
The line that really stuck out for me as FANTASTIC here was:
"Rivers will flow down you".
I really loved that.
The last line of the 7th stanza doesn't do itself any favours though by 'pre-copying' (that's not even a word) the first word of the following line. The presence of 2 times in quick succession halts the flow of the poem to a grinding STOP.
I'd say, honestly, that the two bracketed lines in stanza 7 are not necessary. You don't need to explain it that much.
This is an interesting poem - I am always very happy to see a new way of exploring the poesy of love. It's been done to death and yet still people are finding new ways to express it. Well done :)
I think its formal tone is good as it's obviously a sermon-type declaration but I'd like to see you find a way of giving it an intimate voice at the same time. It seems a little distant - rather than this priest shouting from the front of the church, let him whisper in his goddess' ear. If that makes sense :)
