Dead Dog Triolet
Mother told me there'd be days like this one.
My hair's a mess, my manicure's chipped and my dog just died.
Only yesterday I was out there having so much fun.
Mother told me there'd be days like this. One
day among many, come rain or come sun,
no matter the smiles or the tears that I've cried.
Mother told me there'd be days like this one.
My hair's a mess, my manicure's chipped and my dog just died.
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| I like the homeliness of this poem, phrases like "come rain or come sun" you can imagine a mum saying. It has a tongue in cheek darkness. I also like repetion in poems, perhaps because I listen to so much music, so I like the form and the repeat of "my" in the second and last lines. |
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Comment by: Nora Online- 2007-12-03 19:18
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Just having a bad day, huh?
As far as I can tell, you followed the conventions of the triolet. I've told you my ultimate caveat: I'm not a poet. But I kind of enjoyed the glum yet wry tale you've told.
It IS all about the fun, and although ruined manicures, bad hair and dead dogs don't equal fun, somehow you've managed to make me giggle. |
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| Well, I thoroughly enjoyed it! (If it's not horrible to thoroughly enjoy something about a dog dying.) I also admire the way you've managed to alter the first line so that it reads differently on line 4. And the title's a masterpiece in itself. |
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Don't withdraw! Like you said, it's all about the FUN!
I love the set up - and the image of her hair, the broken nail, PLUS the dead Dog! Try it with the iambic... I spent four days on my poem (and it's still not spot on), it was a bit like putting a puzzle together - but like you said, it's all about the FUN. :) |
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Cheryl is a prefectionist... protectionist... percussionist... protagonist,,, likes to aim for the prefect poetic work. She may be a hard masktaster... taskmaster, but she is fair and constant in her oblivion... opinion.
I can't say faire than that (I have tried, but I just can't)
As for the dead dog. Poor Shep!
Mother told me there'd be days like this - reminds me of a song lyric or two.
and also...
Arthur: "It's at times like these that I wished I'd listened to what my mother used to say."
Ford: "Why, what did she say?"
Arthur: "I don't know, I never listened"
Thank you, Douglas Adams R.I.P.
A fun read even if the ocular perimeter is slightly off kilter.
Grae |
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