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Depression
Depression --
a vortex of
darkness
spinning down, down
into a hole
with no
beginning
and no
end;
a colorless
cavern,
a hopeless
hope,
an emptiness
that can't
be filled.
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| very well written, i could feel the depression, good job |
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| I so appreciate all of y'all's comments AND advice! I have removed the word "depression" from the end of the poem and I have to agree, it does make it much stronger. Thanks again! |
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I must agree with forsaken. The poem would be much stronger without the repetition of "depression" at the end. Repeating the word at the end of the poem kind of makes your subject redundant. I don't think your reader needs a reminder.
The writing of poetry can be a very delicate thing. Poetry connects more to the poet who wrote it than it does the reader. However, the reader needs to be kept in mind as well. They are not the most important part of the poem, but they are a part of it nevertheless. Your reader will respond better if they are treated with care and respect. Your reader already has had experiences in love, disappointment, anger, fear, and depression. They don't need everything spelled out for them. What you choose to reveal should be new and unique. Have fun with it! |
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Comment by: sudipal - 2007-11-23 11:57
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| I like the structure of the poem: imitating the theme by leading the eye towards a downward direction. |
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| Hm, I think you could leave off the last "Depression" on the end, since it's such a powerful poem with and without it. =) |
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