 |
 |
 |
| |
The Island: Wee Challenge #19
She watched the boat flounder in the wash. Two men crawled out and half dragged, half stumbled onto the beach.
They were a sorry state; they looked like they’d been drifting for weeks. Both were bearded, cheeks burnt raw by the sun.
Instinctively they made their way towards the trees; from the beach they could see the green canopy loaded with unidentifiable fruit.
“Food,” thought both men at once.
“Food.” The island smiled inwardly.
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: L J - 2007-11-27 07:42
|
|
| I like this. A smell of ill in the suspense and the last line gave it up. Great first line beginning with she. Great last line by giving the first line an identity. |
 |
Comment by: karjon Online- 2007-11-27 05:05
|
|
Hi Sharon
Loved the ending - very creepy - didn't see it coming at all.
This line bothered me:
'Instinctively they made their way towards the trees; from the beach they could see the green canopy loaded with unidentifiable fruit.'
I couldn't help feelling it should be the other way round:
'From the beach, they could see the green canopy loaded with unidentifiable fruit. Instinctively, they made their way towards the trees.'
But that might just be me, so feel free to ignore.
Thanks for the read - it's a really good story.
Cheers
Karen |
|
|
| This was absolutely wicked! The end completely surprised me. |
|
|
Not all fruit is good for you I suppose...though after being lost at sea, who knows what you will eat, no questions asked.
Yeah, good flash. |
|
|
| oh yeah! That's a good one. However, would you be willing to change 'unidentifable fruit' to something like 'various fruits'? Just made me wonder how they knew it was fruit if it was unidentifiable |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
