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A Word in Your Ear
Andrew. Sit down. I have to tell you
I made a boo boo employing you.
It's my fault. I'm sorry. Your
month's notice starts now.
You're not at all what we expected.
You don't seem able to grasp
the way we operate here. You never seem
to understand what anyone says -
you just gaze into nothingness
and ask something way off track,
and if you ever get back to the point
you'll say, like some miracle play
prophet, what everyone knows.
You make a point like you're
the only person bright enough to see it.
Aren't you bright enough to see that?
You look at people like you're
begging for your life, for forgiveness,
or you're looking to find something
loony as yourself in there. And your voice:
your voice is a cue for people to talk
over you. Have you not noticed?
And your conversation with clients
is totally off the wall. God knows
how they can follow what you
bring up. Andrew, engineers just aren't
interested in 1950's Hindi movies
or how Xerxes buried eighteen children alive
before crossing a bridge. Ahmed
bought a new Ferrari last Thursday
and you haven't mentioned it!
Can you name three players in
Liverpool United? No.
You've got to go. Go from here,
from everywhere. Get a job
as a lighthouse keeper or a
chimpanzee handler. Paint
white lines on roads. You're
laughing? I'm so embarrassed
that anyone can be like you.
November 2002
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Comment by: DavidHe - 2008-06-22 06:33
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| Well done! Best wishes |
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| Glad you like it! Yes, the Liverpool United bit is a dig at the narrator, who I am ridiculing, and comes off a long standing crack between myself and my son. I once asked him why one of the players is wearing black. He patted me on the arm sympathetically and said "His mother's just died..." |
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Less a rant, John, more a prolonged bout of eternal frustration with Andrew. 'Liverpool United' shows that the boss is not on top of things, either. Perhaps Andrew's affliction is rubbing off. Definitely a work to be read aloud. The stanzas don't matter as the piece is one long, connected conversation (be it one-sided) that is as humourous as it's feasible.
5 years old maybe, but still shows a good grasp of where it wanted to go and where it should be.
Thanks for the read, John
Grae:)
PS - please excuse early morning critique - not always the best time for thinking. |
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| Thanks. I know what you're saying about breaking it into stanzas. I admit when I wrote this I was reading the complete works of RS Thomas and he often didn't break up long poems, and I came to like my poems resembling his (!) Also, in this one, I want it to look like a rant. |
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Comment by: - 2007-11-24 08:06
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| This sounds like someone's harsh reality. I enjoyed the story of it. Love story poetry!!! Very interesting construction. The only thing I'd do differently is break up into stanza's to make it easier to read. But that's just me. Have a beautiful day. |
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