Things that end up in the trash and things that don't.
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Prose >> Things that end up in the trash and things that don't.
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Things that end up in the trash and things that don't.
My Darling,
Don't waste your money
on greeting cards.
Celebrate my Birthday
spending time
designing diction just for me.
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| Very good, only recommendation I can make is reconsider the words "commemorate" and "syntax," they seem a little stiff. |
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Very, very true.
I like the title. You don't need to explain the poem because it's all written simply in the title.
Awesome. |
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| I like this most of all because of the title. Too many writers don't stop to think of a good title for their work. Hmm, with the money he save's stiffing American Greetings, he can afford a little sin tax, eh? |
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Simple truth.
Like music, words are better live.
The best poetry I've created comes in conversation with a friend. I can feel how to pull and twist it when it's live. Mary might say, "That's good. Write it." But I cannot. It's gone. Snowman gems.
Sorry, not telling crit.
(It's garbage day. Shhh... don't tell Hallmark.) |
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Comment by: hx - 2007-11-26 10:48
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Love this! 'Creating syntax' is a perfect way to describe it (and I guess you'd say, a nice creation of syntax). I like the title, too.
Sorry, no crits. I like this just the way it is. Keep it up! |
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