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citydweller
j. steinhoff
United States, NY, Brooklyn

Words: 102
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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The Royal Oak

He rested his chin dreamily in his right hand, stirring his herbal tonic with the left.

"When I die, I want to be torn apart by wild animals. If you come from the earth, you should return to it," he said.

Kat noticed that he watched his reflection as he spoke, a desperate mime in the window.

She longed for silence: the gaps between his sinewy little breaths, the eerie quiet before the storm.

She hoped for a soundless death, too: to wilt without evidence, curling like a leaf beneath the royal oak, between the tiny new blades of grass.

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Comments  
KennethWelling Comment by: KennethWelling - 2007-11-30 15:12
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I very much enjoyed your description of her death. You accomplish a great deal with that one sentence.
I think I understand the desperation you are referring to in the third paragraph, but it doesn't fit well for me with his laconic attitude in the first. Is there another adjective which wouldn't imply the energy of desperation?

I also like the play of the two characters, there is an intimation of much backstory here, but I'm not sure if the loose ends come together as tight as I'm used to with flash fiction.
Nagging, but not a big deal for me in light of the beautiful description of that last paragraph.
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By citydweller

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