writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
RSK
Jeff Wittman
United States, Indiana, Lamar

Words: 171
Access: Public
Comments: 2

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Island 4

Island 4

Beginning

Nenda looked out across the lake. Her eyes, settled on the reeds. She missed him. Her gaze drifted up to the hills. It was dark, and he had not come home. Moving she grimaced with pain, her left leg weak. Walking outside the moon, shown through the tree tops. A bird flew overhead. A tear fell pass her check.
“Miss Nenda? Is that you?” She looked back, it was Hen. Reeds younger sister.
“Hen, it’s much too late for you, please go to bed.” A smile flashed on her face. Hen walked closer, her night gown close behind.
“Is Reed back yet?”
“No, not quite he will though don’t worry.” She smiled again. She looked up at the hills again, the darkness flowing down the hill.
“Come, to bed.” Hen nodded and left.

A scream sounded inside her.
“Reed.” She knew he was dead, she closed her eyes. A bird flew overhead, she could she it. The scene burned into her mind.

A whisper sounded behind her.

Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
mynamelez Comment by: mynamelez - 2007-11-27 21:10
Add to Readers
      
Meanwhile back at the ranch. Here we see the pain of the ones he has left behind. You have captured their grief well.

Just a couple of edits:

Walking outside the moon, shown through the tree tops.
Perhaps get rid of Walking outside and replace with
The moon, shown through the tree tops.

A bird flew overhead, she could she it.

Probably the second she is a typo otherwise it reads a little confusingly.
RJWilliams Comment by: RJWilliams - 2007-11-27 06:57
Add to Readers
      
Great imagery. You placed many thoughts in my head with very few words. I loved it! pleas continue.
1

Sponsored Ads


By RSK

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S