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Cliché
If I want to be artistic now,
what is it I can say,
when every lyric I think of
is just some dumb cliché?
And I really feel each word, I write
from the bottom of my heart.
And every thought of her just
really tears my world apart.
And every little song I hear,
and all the books I read,
really do remind me of
what her love used to be.
And how I’m not the same
as I was back before we met,
and how she made me understand
the art I didn’t get.
And how I’m lonely now,
and wish I could go back.
And how the ache is killing me
it’s like a heart attack.
I guess now I’ll just say the words
that come into my head
and make it art some other time
when all the feeling’s dead.
Copyright © 2007 Matthew Stephen Valdés
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it's a good poem, but the "and' is a bit repetative... and in a poem so short repetition in each stanza is kind of distracting. Read it out loud to yourself and pretend like you didn't write it.... you'll see :)
good poem otherwise though |
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| Yeah, I did the clear cut rhymes on purpose, 'cause that was the idea of the poem. But I hadn't paid enough attention to the 2nd and 5th stanzas. You are absolutely correct. The lack of flow in those lines is not really intentional and takes away from the poem. I'll be thinking of ways to adjust that. Thanks! |
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| hell ya, awesome finish, like anti-wordsworth. i was initially put off by the clear-cut rhyming but i think it works well with the poem's direction. the only exceptions (in my humble opinion) would be stanza 5 and 2, which seem slightly forced in meter and rhyme. its all very expressive and boiled down, i really like the particular style you develop here. |
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