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Odd
"I want to watch the show."
The voice behind turned me into a stone.
I took my wings off.
"Where are your wings?" asked the girl.
I pointed to mom, who said I was better without, so I wouldn't bother anyone. I believe if I didn’t look behind I could have learned how to fly.
Someone once told me I was an odd duck. And I still wonder why...
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Comment by: - 2007-12-19 16:15
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| This is good writing. A snapshot with a build-up. |
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Comment by: karjon - 2007-11-29 05:51
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Definitely odd - not sure if I get it to be honest. Is it a bit like someone wearing a big hat at the cinema, annoying the other customers, stopping them seeing the film? But in this case, it's a wee girl waering some sort of costume with wings?
Hmm - that's the best I can come up with.
Thanks for taking the challenge.
Cheers
Karen |
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Good flash there you odd duck.
Yes, very odd indeed.
A few suggestions
I pointed to (Mom) mom, who( change to whom) said I was better without ( add "them"), so I wouldn't bother anyone
"Where are your wings?"
change to "where are they?"
The paragraph before indicates what "they" refer to.
The changes will still leave you with 75 words. |
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