I was listening to some music, wearing a set of headphones, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. Surprised, I spun around in my chair and saw my mother holding the phone out to me, speaking to me. I ripped the headphones out of my ears and caught the last part of what she was saying, "-n the phone." I shook myself and turned my music off. My mother shoved the phone in my hands and stalked out of my bedroom. I swallowed, trying to re-hydrate my throat after hours of not using it.
"H-hello?" I whispered into the phone. I was beyond bewildered when I glanced at the clock in the right hand corner of my desktop. I had spent five hours writing, reading and editing my own stories without a single pause for a cigarette, bathroom usage, or a generalized drink. I had tuned the entire world out and had been forced out of it with a tap on the shoulder. I had a nasty habit of leaving behind my cares with just a few sentences into a story and then, coming back because my hands had cramped after fifteen pages of a story that I didn't remember writing. If it hadn't been for constant hand cramping, I would swear I had elves in my computer.
"Hey, Zoë, what are you doing tonight?" Lina asked me. I sighed softly, happy that it was someone worth talking to. After a large argument with my mother over not interrupting me when I was virtually locked into my bedroom, she had decided that every phone call from telemarketers to insurance salesman were more important than interrupting me for my friends. It was an odd way to get back at me, but it was doing the trick in making me regret telling her to not interrupt unless my friends were calling.
"I don't know," I replied. "I've spent the last few hours writing and editing stuff. I hadn't planned that far ahead, actually." I looked around my cluttered bedroom, trying to decide if it was worth hanging around here or spending an evening with Lina. I brought her into my mind's eye and could see her lying on her stomach, flipping through magazines while gabbing on the phone to anyone who would listen. She was that kind of person. "What day is it?"
"Jesus, Zoë. Don't you remember anything? You spend so much time cooped up in that house, I seriously wonder why I bother with you anymore," she replied, a teasing tone in her voice. If it had not been for Lina, I would have turned to dust in my bedroom shortly after high school had ended. She was the only one who had managed without much protest from me in getting me out of my bedroom. I couldn't help being addicted to writing. It was better than some other addictions I had developed off and on.
"Answer the question, Lee-nuh," I said.
"It's Friday. Don't you know what that means? You and I have an entire weekend in which to waste our lives!" She had an interesting habit of partying until three o'clock in the morning. I, on the other hand, grew bored at the local parties so that I had all but given up on having good times. I had been to two parties worth attending since I had graduated from high school and had published my first story.
No one knew who I was even though I had written three books in those three years since high school, one of which was a collection of my poetry. I had decided to publish everything under an alias so as to keep a low profile. I had shared the secret with as few people as possible and that had included all of the boyfriends that had come and gone since my initial publicity. Other than my editor and publisher, the only people to know who L.C. Kershner was, were my mother and my best friend, Lina.
"Okay, now where are we going?" I replied, deciding that getting out on a Friday evening wouldn't be so bad.
"A friend's," she answered cryptically. I hated it when she pulled those types of games. She had a habit of hiding much needed information from me until the very last minute. I was never fond of surprises and had begged her to stop on more than one occasion. She never listened and found my shocked faces to be more hysterical with each level of surprise. Her favorite face was when I turned bright red with embarrassment and had the look in my eyes that said, "If she could slip through the floor and disappear, she would." I had achieved that look only twice and she was aiming for a third time before my next book went out to the presses.
"Is this your friend or mine?" I asked, getting up from my chair and stretching. I heard a few pops coming from my knees and swore I would run three miles in the morning. Provided I wasn't completely inundated with alcoholic beverages tonight. I went to my closet and poked around for some decent and clean clothes.
"Mutual," she said. "Wear some nice clothes. Not dress up, but some clean things and not a single one of those damnable T-shirts, got it?" I grunted a response, and she continued, "I mean it, Zoë! No more T-shirts. I'll burn them, I swear to God!"
"What's wrong with my collection?" I whined. My normal mode of dress constituted a pair of baggy jeans, some sandals (even in the winter) and a T-shirt with some witty saying or a band logo. The fact that she was crossing that out said that she was planning something really fiendish. I started to prepare myself for her surprise in advance.
"A lot of things. Like, you wear it all the stupid time, for one..." She had a four-point list as to why my T-shirt collection was wrong. I sighed and then found some clothes that I had worn once in high school and had promptly forgotten them. With my bank account, I could afford real clothing but I had bought a brand-new computer, bedroom set, and other small amenities that I had always desired before really bothering with the clothing area. Lina was always trying to get me to go clothes shopping with no avail and no hope in the near future.
"All right!" I yelled into the phone. "I'll look nice, if that's what you bloody want." I could almost hear her smug smile through the phone. "Now what about shoes?"
"Not those sandals. Put on either clean sneakers or heels. Whichever." I growled at her before I hung up the phone. I sighed again and then headed into the bathroom to make myself presentable. My mother was doing the usual by ignoring me and blasting the television set too loudly. My little brother was sitting next to her, sucking up to her, per usual. I felt consumed with animosity and jealousy towards him before I entered the bathroom.
I stared at myself in the mirror and saw a quasi-pretty twenty-year-old staring back at me. I hadn't really noticed that I had changed a lot since high school. I was no longer the shy, pimple-faced girl that sat in the back of the classroom. I was always willing to state my opinions, my skin had cleared up with the birth control pills, and I didn't have to enter any more classrooms for the rest of my life. It was odd how things managed to change dramatically after the "best four years of your life" ended. Personally, high school had sucked the left toe for me.
I brushed my auburn hair, undecided on how to approach the issue of where it was going, up or down. I had a nasty habit of shoving it into a messy bun and leaving it that way for hours before taking it down to find it in a mess of knots. I brushed it out lovingly and decided to just leave it down. I brushed my teeth that had been corrected from crooked and nasty to straight and even, although not white, for six years. I couldn't decide on what exactly to do, but somehow knew that Lina would press makeup on me if I didn't do it myself.
I stepped back from the mirror and gazed at myself. My skin was unusually pale due to my aversion to any form of sunlight. It had yet to turn sick and sallow with the lack of light, but I had managed to improve it a little by going out in the early mornings to run. My long hair framed my oval face in cascading waves even though I had never so much as had it layered. The strands were a soft red color that turned into chameleon hair whenever it felt like it, being hit by light or not. My eyes were hazel green, but had a tendency to stay green instead of change like my mother's eyes. I had a small nose that had been thrust in between to small, brown eyebrows. Someone had once tried to describe it as a "button nose" but had failed miserably. My lips were thin and a light pink.
Once, Lina had tried to get me to use lipstick that was supposed to make lips fuller. Being dumb and fifteen, I had agreed to it. Instead, the lipstick had made my lips look nearly nonexistent. I had stopped using it after one day. Oddly enough, the color had looked wonderful on Lina who had an olive complexion from her father's side of the family, and it had even made her lips look "kissably soft" as the ad had said. It was weird how lipsticks could look like shit on one person and look great on another.
Frowning, I put on a little bit of eyeliner, highlighting my eyes with a light coating of black. I decided against mascara seeing as how my eyelashes were thick, long and probably one of the greatest characteristics of mine. I had never had need to add to them. I put on a faint spray of a perfume that I liked and decided I was ready to get dressed. Since my horrible experience with most lipsticks, I usually wore lip-gloss instead of actual lipstick. Besides, lipstick prices were ridiculous.
I went back into my room, pointedly snubbing my family for the second time. I found a pair of clean, light blue jeans that fit my lower body like a glove. The bell-bottoms flared out twenty-six inches, completely enveloping my calf and foot in light blue fabric. It was amazing, at least to me, what bell-bottoms could do to a figure. They looked a lot better on women than the fitted pants, or so I believe. I looked around my chest of drawers and found a comfortable, navy blue tank top with a My Little Pony emblazoned over my chest. I had loved My Little Ponies when I was a kid and had yet to stop. I pulled on a pair of white Nikes with navy blue accents to complete the ensemble.
I looked outside and was dismayed to see the wind was picking up again. The late October air had been rather nice, almost like an Indian summer, before it had finally settled to bringing a frost late at night. My grandfather swore that snow would fall soon, although I doubted him. He had once predicted snow in late April one year and we had been blessed with three straight weeks of unusually warm weather. I grabbed at my black hoodie, pulling it over my head and fixing my hair, feeling self conscious as I did so. With one last glance at my computer, I grabbed my oversized purse, fitted that to my shoulder and walked out of my bedroom.
My mother had turned the television off and was talking with my little brother. I walked down the stairs and all conversations stopped. "Lina get you to go out again?" My mother asked, softly. My brother eyed me with interest, of course wondering where I was going, what I was going to do, when I was going to be home. He modeled his whole existence to be the complete opposite of me. He went out with friends and came back in the evenings. Instead of staying out late on non-school days, he stayed out until one or later in the morning on school nights. He was a weird kid.
"Yeah, I don't even know where I'm going," I said. I fiddled with the giant safety pin that had been on my purse for three years. I looked down at my feet and felt like scuffing my toes against the hardwood floors.
"Well, have fun," she said and turned back to my little brother. I felt like she had just slapped me in the face. Relations between my mother and I were sketchy, at best. We had never had a really good relationship since I had entered my teenage years, and as she said, professed to know everything. I had never professed to know everything, but I had felt indignation at her trying to get into my own personal business. It was the way of most teenage daughters and their mothers, or so I had read once.
I went out to my car. Even though I had more than enough money to go out and purchase a brand-new car, I had decided that would go against every teenager's way of life. Only one other owner had used it and I affectionately referred to it as, "My piece of shit." It had yet to fall apart but it was encroaching on its fifteenth birthday with the rust spots to prove it. I had been forced to fix the alternator, the starter, the breaks and rotors, as well as buy four new tires for the vehicle in the last six months. My mother had once told me to insure it for full coverage because when it dies, it'll go with a bang. I followed her advice on that score.
I pulled out my keys and started my car, waiting for the familiar whir-whir-whir to dissipate and turn into a hardy grunt of effort and then, the engine starting. I turned the radio up too loud, which was why I had adored the idea of getting my own vehicle, and sped down the street. I had a nasty little habit of speeding more then five miles above the speed limit, even in residential areas.
I took a right turn; two left turns and drove for fifteen minutes before I finally made it to Lina's house. She was sitting on her front steps, with her chin cushioned in her two hands. She bounced up when she saw me pull up and then, ran down the large hill that had been her front yard for her entire life. She fell against my car, and laughing, ran around the front to get into the passenger seat. I watched my friend slide in to my car, which had been nicknamed "Pollution" recently, carefully not to step on my three cases of CDs at the foot of her seat.
"Hi, Zoë!" She gushed. I just stared at her. She had her hair pulled up into a ponytail that swished against the back of her neck. One day, with boredom firmly gripped in her mind, she had cut off every inch of her hair until it had come to just below her ears. She had looked okay, but it was something that took a while to get used to. Her mother had reamed her out and now she was regretting it. She always told me that if it were possible she would transplant my hair (which was down to my mid-waist) and give me the short hair. I was glad it wasn't possible because I knew it wouldn't look good on me. Recently, she had dyed her hair, which was now shoulder length, to something blonde, red and brown all in one. I thought it was one of the weirdest hair colors I had ever seen.
She was wearing blue contacts for some strange reason, which did her justice I had to admit. Her olive complexion was highlighted by a berry-colored lipstick and light brown eye shadow. She looked like the sexy Italian she claimed to be. She was wearing tight pants that had a slight flare just above the ankle. She was wearing black boots that I had bought her one-year for Christmas and elevated her five-foot-three to five-foot-six. She was wearing a very tight-fitting tank top that showed everything she had to offer and a little bit more. It sagged down and showed her chicken pock scar perfectly. Around her neck she wore a black lace choker with a small bell attached to it. It rang softly with every movement she made.
"Where are we going?" I demanded.
"Why?" she asked, smiling impishly at me. I groaned and put the car into drive, speeding away from her house. At the end of the street, I took a fast turn to the left, effectively throwing her into her door.
"I need to know where I'm going," I replied.
"Well, we're going to Jeremy's house," she said. I shrugged and then headed down the fastest route that would take me into the mountains.
"Why are we going there?" I asked, curious. I hadn't seen the kid since Lina had broken his little heart. She was fond of doing things like that, but only after the fact. The break-up had been hard on her as well. She had sobbed uncontrollably about life being unfair for a week before meeting someone new and getting, effectively, over it. She had mentioned to me a little while ago that she was talking to him again and that they had hung out a few times, but I rarely paid attention to the trivial details of her life.
"He's throwing a party. It's Cameron's birthday today, didn't you know that?" In fact, I hadn't known that. I had neatly filed such information under "trash" a long time ago. It was odd when you made friends and they all managed to become friends with the ones you had in high school. I had adequately closed the chapter of my four years of hell and didn't really want to open it again. Of course, with a friend like Lina, who needed embarrassing parental moments? No one I knew.
"I'm sorry if I don't remember trivial events," I said, testily. I had known Cameron for four years and had managed to succor him into a relationship, once. He had ended up breaking up with me to date Lina, as a matter of fact. After two months of secretly dating, they had admitted it to me and apologized profusely, asked for my forgiveness and had gone so far as to say they would break up if I asked them to. Of course, I hadn't been able to care less since he hadn't meant that much to me as a boyfriend. None of them really had, actually.
"It's not trivial. He'll be twenty! That's it! No more teen years, you know," she said.
"I am well aware that after nineteen, twenty is bound to follow."
"You know, you seem like you are in a bad mood. Are you?" she asked me, looking at me for anything that might be out of place. She took a strand of my hair and wrapped it around her fingers. She had the oddest fetishes. One of them had to do with my hair and touching it. It was weird, sensual, sometimes erotic, and almost always left me feeling confused.
"No, I'm not," I admonished. "Actually," I said, changing the subject to one that I liked, "I'm doing really well. I'll have book four completed by early next year." I grinned at her and went into detail describing the course of events that had happened thus far in my book.
"Sounds exciting," she said earnestly. She may have been one of the abnormal of my friends, but she was also the most encouraging. So far, she had read every single one of my books, of course waiting until they had gone to paperback before reading them.
"Have you finished, Letters, yet?" I asked. That had been my most recent book. It was about a serial killer that wrote love letters to each of his victims for months in advance before killing them, usually while having sex with them. He had ended up killing himself at the end of the book.
"Yes, it was very odd," she said.
"What was so odd?" I asked, exasperated. The toughest critic I had to pass by was Lina.
"The way he wrote how much he loved his victims. Plus, he didn't swing one way or the other. He loved, slept with, and killed both men and women. It was weird."
"Didn't you read the part about his father?" I asked, angrily. It meant that she had either not understood the book or had skipped vast portions of it.
"Yes, I did. I didn't think that had anything to do with it." My mouth fell open as I sped up some more, closing the gap between the cars in front of us by fifteen feet. "I mean, that's just my opinion. Isn't it doing well, selling, I mean?"
"Yes. I just never thought people wouldn't accept my explanation as to why he was bisexual," I replied.
"I didn't think he was bisexual, either," she pointed out. I stared at her in dismay before she continued to explain. "I just thought he had a big heart!" I rolled my eyes and changed the conversation again.
"Direct me, I don't know where the fuck he lives." She gave me directions until we were pulling onto a narrow road. I vaguely remembered visiting Jeremy here once or twice, but he had always come to pick us up from Lina's house. There were rows of cars up and down the street, making the street more narrow than normal. "Where the hell am I supposed to park?" I griped.
"Driveway," she said. "Silly."
"Why am I parking there?"
"He left it open for us," she replied, distantly.
"Are you two dating again?" I asked, trying to pinpoint what the hell was going on. She was hiding things from me, which wasn't unusual. She took greater joy in picking my life apart than telling me about her own.
"Yeah, how'd you guess?" she asked, happily.
"That explains it," I replied.
"Huh?"
"You were glowing earlier. You're back into that happy-go-lucky relationship-thing again, aren't you?" She nodded emphatically while I pulled into his driveway. I parked behind a large and dusty truck. My heart stopped beating when I got a good look at the license plate. "Is that-" I couldn't finish the question. It was like my heart had popped into my throat and it was going to explode. My tongue had thickened exponentially and I felt mortally ill.
"Yep," Lina yelled, happily. She jumped out of my car and slammed her door shut. She danced in between the two vehicles, while I flipped my headlights off. I wiped my mouth and felt ready to vomit on my shoes. She opened up my car door and pulled my arm. "C'mon, silly. He's here with his new girlfriend, not for you." Tactless, that was a good way to describe my best friend.
Teagan, I thought. Teagan. How does anyone describe the person that had stolen your heart and never given it back? How does anyone describe that person... especially after they had decided to break said heart and turn you into a zombie? I didn't know the answer and I had asked myself the question multiple times. Lina was the only one who knew about my heartbreak, which made me wonder why she was being so cruel about this surprise meeting. I hadn't seen him in two years.
The last time I had seen him, I had been in the mall. We had stopped, hugged, and got to talking. I think my heart had been in my eyes, but I had passed it off as smoothly as someone who was dying inside could. He introduced me to his new girlfriend, told me about school and his family, then headed out of my life. He always showed up randomly, too, which made it more and more difficult to prepare myself. It didn't help that my mother always referred to him as "the one that got away," or "the man my daughter let slip through her fingers."
"Lina..." I said, my voice trailing off.
"Get out of that car," she said, viciously pulling my arm again. I sighed and felt ready to die. I grabbed my purse, put it on and then got out of the car. Lina was dancing and frolicking around me like a puppy excited about its master coming home. I slammed my car door and walked, my head bowed, behind the excited Lina to Jeremy's side door. His car was parked in front of the dusty SUV and was pinging loudly, as though he had just come back from doing eighty-five miles an hour for two hours straight.
She didn't bother to knock on the door, but opened it easily. Music blasted the two of us as we entered Jeremy's house. It looked the same from my vague memories except that there were bodies crammed inside like sardines in a can. I scanned the faces for Teagan, but saw strangers instead. Lina took my purse from me then stripped me of my hoodie, and disappeared in the distance. I stepped inside the house, and stood uncomfortably close to the door.
Far away, I heard someone yell, "Zoë! Get your ass over here!" It sounded like someone I knew, but I couldn't figure out why. I cautiously walked around the large crowd that had taken over the kitchen to smack into Seth, a friend of ours. I hadn't seen him in quite some time and had missed him like crazy. I gave him a big hug and kissed his cheek. He blushed and stepped back to get a good look at me. I was sure I had changed a lot since our last meeting.
He, on the other hand, looked more or less the same. He had bright blond hair that was in a bowl cut, however it flattered his fair features quite well. A pair of thin glasses and thick, red eyebrows magnified his blue eyes. His had thick lips that could have been soft once, but they were always chapped and chewed up. He had a small stature, which most people took to mean he was effeminate, but I had seen him lift over two hundred pounds once.
"What's going on, Zoë?" he asked me, his voice soft and I had to strain to hear him over the loud music. I shrugged, wishing in the entire world that I could tell him about my literary successes, but I knew that if I told any more people, the secret would come out. "I know what you mean."
"Not a whole lot to do right now," I said, practically having to speak in his ear to be heard over all the noise.
"Got a job?" I blanched at the question, not sure on how to proceed around the delicate subject.
"Sort of. Freelance things," I replied slowly. "Hey, have you seen Lina? She disappeared on me." He pointed behind me and into the living room. Many people had turned it into the dance parlor. I saw the two of them—Jeremy and Lina—wrapped in each other's arms. Their lips were glued to one another's. I snorted and he smiled behind me.
"If it makes you feel better, Teagan went over to his parents' house for a moment," he said, as if he knew all that I was feeling and had been thinking. My mouth just fell open and I started at him for moment. He smiled and grabbed my arm. "He won't be back for a while," he continued. "So, while I have your undivided attention, let's go and find some people. Danielle's here, by the way, and Cassie's hanging around with Cameron, glued to his side. They look like a couple."
"Really?" I asked, not very interested. I didn't realize that my feelings were so transparent. He pulled me back into the hallway, going to the very end of the hallway. In front of us was a locked door and beside us, to the left was an open doorway leading into Jeremy's parents' room. Danielle was sitting inside, on the bed, with two kids I had never seen before, Cameron and Cassandra. "Danny," I cried, holding out my arms.
Danielle jumped off the bed, screeched, "Zoë!" and ran into my outstretched arms. She was as tall as I was and we had similar body types. We were both rather petite, bordering on emaciation. She had shoulder length hair that was dark brown and extremely curly. It was stiff and scratched my face, but I didn't care. She had two brown little eyes that were nearly as dark as her hair. She had a pale complexion with two pink cheeks, and tons of makeup that accentuated the facial features that I didn't have. I smiled at her as I pulled away from her. "Where have you been, girl?"
"All over the place," I said, happy that I had seen her, finally. I had been calling her now and again, but always received her answering machine. "Did you change your number, or just stop going home?" I demanded. "I've been calling you for months."
"Nah, I'm just never home. I'm always out with someone," she replied, her smile pointing out two dimples in her cheeks. I kissed her cheek and then sat down on the bed where she had just vacated. I gave a passing hello to Cameron and Cassandra who were pretty busy with one another and not paying too much attention to their surroundings. I had an evil thought of shoving them off of the bed. Seth sat down on the floor and pulled out a cigarette. I thoughtlessly went to open my purse when I remembered that Lina had stolen it. As though it were obvious, both Danielle and Seth offered me a cigarette. I declined Seth's; I hated menthol.
After a brief moment of silence, I turned to Danielle. "What's going on? New job, new beau, new life?"
"Pretty much," she said with a giggle. It never seemed to surprise me that Lina and she were more alike. They had a thing for finding "Mr. Right" while I sat at home and did nothing all day. She had a giggly and bubbly personality when she wanted to, unlike Lina who seemed to go through bouts of manic-depressive fits, and then bounced back to this happy and annoying person who tried to surprise me all the time. Danielle was just naturally happy, although she had her downs, too.
"Sounds nice," I said vaguely.
"That it is," she said.
"Hey," Seth said, cutting into the conversation. "Pay attention to me." Typical.
"Why?" I asked, smiling at him. I felt good. I hadn't been surprised yet, and I was seeing friends that I had been missing in one form or another over the last few months. It was great. So far.
"Have you read that new author, L.C. Kershner?" He asked. I thought I detected a hint of smugness on his face when I nearly dropped my cigarette. I just nodded, but felt even better knowing that my own friends were picking up my stuff without knowing it. "He's a good writer," Seth added. I had the most incredible urge to ask him why he thought the author was a male, but refrained from doing so.
"Oh, really? What's he write about?" I asked. I thought, why am I going along with this? Does he know? How the fuck does he know?
"Horror stuff. Really good, though. Promising, I'd say."
"If I recall correctly, from what I've read in the papers, he was more than just good. His books went to the best seller lists rather quickly," I replied. I tried not to let my pride enter my voice, but I'm sure he noticed it. Seth was very good at observing.
"Indeed," he replied. Danielle got up and went to the bathroom. He sat up on the bed, replacing her. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "I know it's you. I remember your style, and that's it. However, the clincher was the poetry book. I remembered one of your poems and there it was. Unless you stole your poetry from someone..." I blushed. I should have figured what with him being good at that detective stuff.
"I don't know what you are talking about," I said out loud. Silently, I was pleading he would keep my secret. Silently, I was cursing myself for taking my mother's advice and putting it all under a sobriquet. I leaned forward and whispered, "Please keep it a secret." He just nodded and winked at me. I knew I could trust Seth with any secret I had, even my most treasured and dirtiest.
"No problems," he said, smiling. "Come on, let's... mingle." The word seemed almost foreign to him and I laughed at him. "Besides, the alcoholic beverages are in the kitchen."
"I have to drive, though," I replied, knowing that when faced with liquor I had a hard time of saying no.
"So do the rest of us," he said. "Anyway, Jeremy said it was cool for his closest friends to crash here. Besides, we all know that Lina isn't going home tonight. And, I'd rather not be alone. Teagan probably won't stay," he added as an afterthought. I dropped my cigarette on the carpet. Quickly, he stooped to pick it up and handed it back. Suddenly, I didn't want it anymore, but I smoked the rest of it quickly. Chain-smoking was another bad habit I had acquired over the years. I was very, very good at it.
"Stop saying shit like that," I said crossly. He just shrugged at me, and then headed for the counter. I followed like a puppy following its master. He poured me a drink of rum and Coke, my previous favorite drink before switching over to martinis and whiskey shots. I took it thankfully and took a long gulp. Suddenly, I remembered why I had loved the drink so much. "Besides, what makes you think I care? And I am not a close friend to Jeremy. I've hung out with him a dozen times and all because of Lina."
"Whatever. You are one of the precious few. Oh, did you wish Cameron a happy birthday?"
"They were a little busy when I got there," I replied. I was still feeling cross and I wandered away. I walked into the living room, looking for Lina. I drank a few more gulps and then barreled through the happy bodies, dancing to the music. Jeremy and Lina were on the couch; their legs and arms wrapped around each other so much that they looked knotted. I cleared my throat to get their attention. Lina looked up first.
She brightened when she saw me, a drink in hand. "What's up, Zoë?"
"I'd like to know where my purse is," I replied, taking another sip.
"You're not leaving," she said, her eyes darkening and her brows knitting together. I rolled my eyes at her as if to say, "Try and stop me, baby." She got up from the couch, pulling Jeremy with her. He protested softly to her, trying to kiss her neck as she stepped in front of me. I all of a sudden regretted giving her the boots. They made her taller than me and I despised looking up to people. Everyone should be built on a par with me, or so I believed. "I mean it."
"Whatever, Lina. I just want my fucking cigarettes," I said.
"Oh, well, okay," she said. She smiled at me, and with Jeremy in tow, led me to a closet containing our things. I thought it odd that our things were in a closet while everyone else's things were heaped on a bed somewhere downstairs, in the basement. She retrieved my purse and handed it to me, watching me closely. I grabbed out my pack of cigarettes, my lighter and zipped the bag up. She grabbed it from me and tossed it inside the closet before I could do anything else. She apparently didn't trust me.
"Thanks," I said, darkly. I felt heat in my face as I finished off my drink. I felt ready to park my ass by the whiskey bottle I had espied earlier.
"No problem."
"Hey, Zoë," Jeremy said. He beckoned to me, signaling that he was demanding a hug. I felt sick again, but hugged him anyway. "It's been a long time." He was insanely cheerful and I felt like crashing my glass over his head. No wonder I had chosen horror as my writing domain.
"Yeah, quite a while," I said. After a moment of awkward silence, I started to back up. "Excuse me." I stumbled over to the counter and found the whiskey bottle in the same place. I grabbed a shot glass, rinsed it out and pouring myself a shot. I swallowed that quickly and proceeded to do that four more times before I felt better. I sighed, pouring myself another drink and then settled into a kitchen chair, staring off into space. I was kicking my ass for allowing Lina to get her way. Again.
I sat there for a while before I got up. I walked calmly to the counter and poured myself another three shots. I decided to go and wish Cameron a happy birthday. Walking around, staring into each room, I tried to find him, but it was quite difficult with the crowds in each open room. Finally, I found him and Cassandra talking to Lina and Jeremy in the parents' bedroom. I tapped Cameron on the shoulder and without a discernible slur and sullen undertones, I said, "Happy birthday, Cammie."
"Thanks, Zoë," he said. He gave me a hug and I felt awkward again. Here I was, wishing a happy birthday to an old friend that I had given up on years ago. Why did I care? I nodded at Cassandra whom I had met through Seth once or twice before. Danielle came in behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I found it odd that we all seemed to settle back in the rolls we had had during high school. Familiarity. What an odd thing.
Danielle stood up on tiptoe and whispered in my ear, "I hate to break it to you. Your solitude is over." And before I could ask her what she meant by that, Teagan walked into the room. All of my blood drained into my feet and I felt faint. Lina was smiling evilly and I suddenly had a sick fantasy. I had a gun in my back pocket, pulled it out and shot her four times in the face. However, when she fell to the floor in a sticky mass of brains and blood, she was still grinning that stupid smile. Shooting her would never end her evilness, I decided.
"What's up, you guys?" He asked. I stared at him, almost in awe. I felt like I was ready to meet my maker, but something was bugging me to stay on. Oh, yeah. I had a story to finish.
I looked him over and realized, sadly, that he had not changed. He still looked happy and healthy. He was tall, about five-foot-nine and had a shaved head of light brown hair. His eyes were a dazzling blue that emulated the color of the sea on a stormy day. He had a long, straight nose that went well with his round face. With full pink lips that could have been used for a lipstick ad campaign had he been a woman, a goatee that had driven me nuts for the first two months of our relationship, and fangs, he could have been a god. I had felt so, at one point, although I had kept the opinion to myself. After all, he was Christian.
He was wearing a plain, black T-shirt and jeans. He had a pair of black boots, which I knew were probably steel-toed because he had a thing about that. I never found out why. He had gotten another piercing since the last time I had seen him. His ear was done up in an industrial piercing, which looked painful. He had the usual earrings that he never took out in his left ear, blue ring in the cartilage, and two red rings in the lobe. He stuck out his tongue for a moment and I saw a black barbell sticking out of it, however it looked larger than my own. I wondered if he had gone ahead and pierced anything else since last we spoke.
Everyone rushed to say hello, but I hung back, still studying him. Behind him, I noticed a mousy looking girl. She was nearly as tall as he, had long dark brown hair that should have looked more like hair and less like a horse's mane, and a pale complexion. I felt an immediate hatred for this girl because I knew this was his new girlfriend that Lina had mentioned earlier. I really wanted a lot of bad things to happen to her all of a sudden. I figured I could use those sick fantasies in my latest story. At least she would die somewhere.
At last, Teagan realized that I was standing there like a moron. "Zoë!" He cried out and stepped through the throng to grab me in his arms and spin me around. I felt like a rag doll, which wasn't so bad because he was touching me. I felt happy for a moment, especially when I saw the look of jealousy on his girlfriend's face. He put me down and took my drink from my hands, without permission, and took a brief sip before giving it back. He was smiling at me, his fangs protruding over his full lower lip, and I really wanted to smile back instead of glower. However, I was stuck in a grimace which Lina was trying not to laugh at, I could feel it.
I made a pointed glance over to the new girlfriend, and he blushed. "Oh, yeah. Sorry! Lisa, this is my friend, Zoë. Zoë, my friend, Lisa." I couldn't help but notice his double use of the word "friend." Had Lina lied to me about the new girlfriend, but when I caught the look of anger flash across Lisa’s face, I knew he had just slipped up. She looked like the kind of girl who could do some major damage to the eardrums if she had the chance. I felt sorry for him, but kind of hoped I was within listening distance when she chewed him out. It would be nice.
"What's new?" I asked lamely. I felt like falling through the floor, and I think my face was bright red. Lina looked satisfied and I suddenly despised her more than anything in the world and that included bugs. Which was pretty high on my list of things to hate. Danielle, I could see, and Seth, as well, wanted to end this horrible moment for me, but Lina was talking to the both of them out in the hallway. I think she was telling them to let it run its course. I wanted to kill her with my bare hands.
"Nothing much," he said. "Come on, let's get a drink." Lisa stared at me, her eyes glowing red in my imagination. I imagined her as a devil come to taint Teagan, but alas, it wasn't like that. I knew better, too, than to fantasize about anything like that. It caused damage and people had a tendency to think you were crazy. Of course, as a writer, it was common occurrence, or so people thought. "Lisa," he said, and held out his arm. I really wanted to push her out of the way and take his arm, but instead, I followed them both, my head down as I stared at the floor.
I passed by Lina and kicked her viciously in the shin. She cried out and fell to the floor. I hoped she broke her damn leg, if nothing else. Danielle looked at me sympathetically and walked beside me. "I'll help," she murmured to me. Seth followed and kicked Lina, too, but I didn't know why. He put his arms around Danielle, and with a little hesitation, kissed our cheeks. I thought he closed his eyes when he kissed Danielle's cheek, but I could have been imagining it. After all, I was good at those types of things.
Teagan occupied the counter, mixing drinks for everyone. He passed me a new rum and Coke and took the old one away, gulping it down. I just gave him a look and then started to gulp down my own. Sobriety was no longer on my list of things to do. I tried to move away from him, but he pulled me close. "Tell me what's going on," he said. I sat down at the kitchen table instead and lit up a cigarette. Chain-smoking was on my list of things to do, as well. It sounded good, but I would have a raw throat in the morning. Teagan sat down next to me.
"There isn't a lot going on. Jobless. Still live at home. The only reason I go out is because of Lina," I said. Danielle stood behind me, a protective hand upon my shoulder. I felt a little better knowing that she and Seth were on my side.
"Sounds boring," he said, truthfully. I realized that he was right. My life was pretty boring, except for the literary success I had been receiving for the last three years. I ached to tell him that part, but I had vowed not to tell a soul. I hated keeping secrets, especially to those that I loved, but it was necessary. Or, so I had rationalized in my mind. It made it easier to ignore the tons of fan letters I received everyday, seeing as how they were all addressed to a fictitious person named L.C.
"I suppose," I said, guarded with my replies. Jeremy was talking to Lisa, and I wondered why he was throwing interference. Teagan took a cigarette out of my pack without asking and lit up. I repaid Danielle with one and noticed with dawning horror that my drink was nearly gone and my cigarettes were even worse off. I had one left and that just wasn't going to sit well. I finished off my drink and Seth dashed to get me another. I didn't know what it was. It seemed everyone wanted me drunk tonight.
"Well," he said, "I have a new job. Telecommunications."
"Oh? What about school?" I knew he had been in school for computer technologies, but I hadn't heard from him in so long that I didn't know how that was going.
"I dropped out," he admitted, sheepishly. I raised an eyebrow and felt like yelling at him about it. However, I was in no place to talk, seeing as how I had skipped out on that entire brand new headache.
"Why?"
"Just couldn't stand it anymore. Pretty stressful." He was being evasive and purposely dodging my questions. I let it go, not seeing a point in continuing that strand of conversation. Besides, we were destined to start arguing somewhere and I wasn't going to let it be about school.
"I see. I see." Danielle patted my shoulder and then sat down behind me. Seth handed me my new drink and after a taste, I realized that with each drink there was successively more amount of alcohol than the mixer. I found it all fascinating in a buzzed sort of way. Lamely, I stood up, and said, "I need to go to the store."
"I'll take you," Teagan offered. He jumped up beside me and pulled his keys out of his pocket.
"I'm blocking you, it would be easier for me to go in my car," I said. I felt like swaying around and mumbling like a drunk. I felt like I was cooling off and feeling a little better. I knew it was the numerous drinks in my system. I gulped down my drink; some of it dripping down my chin. I placed the cup on the table and then moved towards the closet where Lina had deposited my purse. She was sitting on the ground across from the closet, talking to Jeremy. Lisa had disappeared.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Getting m'car keys," I replied. I felt suave, for a moment.
"Why?"
"I need cigarettes."
"Are you driving?"
"That would be why I'm getting my car keys."
"Okay. Be safe." Jeremy looked worried while I dug around for my car keys. I shut the door and walked back over to Teagan. He looked honest about driving me, but I didn't know why. It kind of frightened me. Danielle stood up and offered to come with us, but I shook my head. I felt like I was old enough to handle this situation, even though I didn't actually believe that I was. Seth waved to me as Teagan followed me out. I couldn't help but wonder what his girlfriend would say about it.
"What about Lisa?" I asked, as we walked outside. I realized how cold it was and shivered, wishing I had grabbed my hoodie as well. Instead, Teagan went to his truck and pulled out his cracked, leather jacket and put it around my shoulders. Friends or not, he was still the gentleman. He'd freeze long before he would allow any woman in his company to.
"What about her?" he said, softly.
"She looked pretty angry when you referred to her as your friend," I said.
"So?" he said brusquely. He stood outside his truck, the door wide open. "Are we taking your car?"
"Mm," I said, thinking about it. I didn't feel comfortable driving, but I also hated it when other people, even people I knew, drove my car. "I think it would be easier, only because I am blocking you. However, I have a thing about people driving my car. Even if I'm there."
"I'm driving your car," he replied.
"Fine, let's take your truck, then," I said and climbed into the truck. It was literally a climb, seeing as how his truck had been jacked up to an unprecedented height. Once, he had told me what it had done to the vehicle itself, talking about tearing shoes or some such thing. All I knew was that the previous owner didn't know how to do that sort of thing. He helped me up, pushing on my butt as I scrambled into the driver's seat. I climbed over the console in the middle and slid into the passenger seat. I made myself comfortable, sticking my arms in the sleeves of his coat.
He climbed into the seat and started his truck. A very diesel sound was emanating from his exhaust. He had explained to me that he had given up on putting a catalytic converter on the beast. I thought it was kind of cool, but I couldn't have told anyone why. It was also really easy to hear when Teagan was coming down the road. "Can you get out?"
"Oh, sure," he said. He did a five-point turn and managed to back out by way of the front lawn. He was careful not to hit my piece of shit, which I wouldn't have minded all that much. However, it probably would have fallen apart with a single hit from another vehicle. I hadn't tested out the theory and wasn't too excited to do so. I settled back, unrolling the window. He pulled out a battered pack of cigarettes from the glove box. I thought, what an interesting place to hide them. They were a pack of regulars, which I despised but I stole one, anyway. "Lisa hates it when I smoke."
"Why do you care?" I asked, remembering his earlier cavalier attitude towards his girlfriend.
"I'm just explaining," he said, his voice tense. If our conversations weren't short, I easily managed to piss him off. I kept silent for a while, inhaling each plume of smoke deeply. The smoke settled my mind a little bit, clearing it of alcoholic taint for a few moments. "You know, it's been a while since we've hung out together."
"Yeah," I said. I didn't want to know where this conversation was headed.
"I just thought that it was weird we don't chill anymore."
"Didn't think it mattered," I replied. I remembered that Teagan was well aware that alcoholic consumption loosened my tongue and I was more apt to be brutally honest. I could only assume this had something to do with the conversation.
"I missed you," he said, after a moment, turning his radio player down. I looked at him, out of the corner of my eye. "Don't look at me like that. You know I hate it." I looked away, focusing on the trees that were whizzing by his vehicle at a fast pace. I glanced over at his speedometer and remembered that it hadn't worked since he had bought his truck.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"So am I," he muttered to himself. He took a deep drag of his cigarette and unrolled his own window to flick his ash out. We were quiet for a while before he tried to break the ice. "Look, Zoë, this is getting awkward and I don't want it to be." I was fuming inside. Was this why Lina had invited me to that stupid party? For a stupid, idiotic, fucking reconciliation? "I want us to be friends. Not ones that see each other on rare occasions, but real friends."
"You almost sound sincere," I said, anger tinting my voice with higher octaves.
"I am fucking sincere, damnit," he said, pounding his fist on the steering wheel. He looked over at me and said, "I didn't know you were showing up, actually. Jeremy said just to show up, and so I did. Lisa was there already. She mentioned stopping by to meet my mom. I didn't have her there to threaten you."
"I don't feel threatened," I said through clenched teeth. "There is nothing threatening in her demeanor. Besides, why should I care who you fuck and who you don't?" Damnit, I thought. I let it slip. I should be more careful, I decided. The trees flew by a little quicker with each passing moment and I threw the rest of my cigarette out the window. I rolled up my window and leaned my head against the glass. It felt cool against my forehead, which was aflame with emotions and my drinking.
"I'm not fucking her," he countered hotly. His face was flushed when I glanced at him again. It was odd. We had been "over" each other for three years, supposedly, and every time we spent quality time with one another, we ended up arguing with one another. I usually pointed out that he was selfish and callow, while he called me egotistical and lackadaisical, and just as selfish as he supposedly was. I had always kept tabs on him, in one form or another, so I always knew whom he was with and what he was doing. Sometimes, I felt like a stalker.
"Bull and shit. That is fucking bullshit, if I've ever heard bullshit in my entire life. You can't help but stick your dick somewhere nice and warm." I could see that I was pushing him over the edge. I honestly felt glad about it, but also sad over it, as well. We had both decided to tread on thin ice around each other, in a silent agreement not to fight with one another. It almost always left one or the other of us broken and hurting so much that we did something stupid. Like sleep together.
"Don't tell me what I do and do not want, and especially who I am and am not fucking. You haven't seen me in two years, how do you know what I'm doing?"
"I know! I hear; I do have ears, if you can't tell."
"What are you, keeping up with me?"
"So what if I am," I yelled back at him. "I'm fucking allowed to know what's going on in your life, you know. It's common knowledge who you sleep with. And, might I add, I am well aware that you fuck anything with a clit!" I folded my arms across my chest, settling back in my seat with a smug look on my face. He hadn't known—which was obvious by his surprised look—which I knew about everything. We pulled into the all night gas station's parking lot a moment later and we both climbed out.
Silently, we both went into the store. I went straight to the counter, but when the clerk went to ask me what I wanted, Teagan spoke. "Two packs of cigarettes. Lights and reds," he said, throwing money on the counter. I tried to protest but the clerk was already ringing it up by the time I had gotten my voice back. Angrily, I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and stormed from the store. I stomped my way back to his truck and clambered back inside it, slamming the door behind me. A moment later, Teagan got into the truck, packing his cigarettes.
I opened my pack right away and lit one. I needed a cigarette so badly. It had been a relief once, when I lit up a cigarette after a long day of torturous depression. Now, it was just an addiction that was blackening my pink lungs. I had tried to quit twice, but nothing had come of it. Lina swore I was going to die smoking, but I told her I would quit when I had the money to hire a guru to help me do so. She laughed.
"I don't fuck," he said, after he had pulled out of the parking lot.
"Crap," I replied, sucking hungrily at my cigarette.
"Fine. Okay. I fuck. I fuck a lot, okay, feel better?" he asked, his voice tight with emotion. I waited a moment or two, to see if he was going to continue. He said, "I, also, know exactly what you are up to. Nothing. A shitload of nothing. You barely leave your house. You hate your mother. And the last relationship you were in lasted two months with you blowing the guy off for your computer."
Through clenched teeth and trying to keep my voice from wavering, I replied, "Well, at least I don't sleep with everyone that flashes their eyes in my direction. At least, I know how to respect myself. And, for your information-" I realized I was going to admit that I was a successful writer who could do whatever she wanted. I immediately regretted starting to say something because he was going to rip it out of me.
"For my information what? What, huh?" he asked, angrily.
"I can do whatever I want," I said, softly. I looked down and puffed again on my smoke. I realized that I would literally kill for a drink at that moment.
"That's not what you were going to say." He was calming down, too, thankfully.
"Yeah, it was... You just interrupted, that's all."
"What were you really going to say?"
I sighed. I just wanted to go home. "Nothing, Teagan. Nothing." He let it go and the vehicle quieted down. I listened to the radio for a moment or two before I focused on the tree line flying by. I realized that we were not headed back to the party, but going somewhere else. Butterflies whirred around in my stomach and my heart started beating double time. Was he kidnapping me? "Where are we going?"
"We're going somewhere," he replied. He refused to answer anymore of my questions. After a few minutes, he pulled onto a gravel road, his truck bouncing the two of us. I noted that he needed new shocks and told him as much. He didn't answer me, but instead pulled up to a locked gate and turned his lights off. He climbed out of the truck, but I made no movement to do so. I put my cigarettes and lighter in his coat pocket as he opened my door. He lifted me out of the seat without asking for me to come out and placed me on the ground beside him.
I felt like crying.
He grabbed a hold of my hand and pulled me forward, moving to the right of the gate. We both walked a ways before we came up to the reservoir. It was such a quiet place, and it felt peaceful. He had taken me there once, when we had first started dating. It had been a romantic night; the night I had lost my virginity. The memory played in my mind, and I think he remembered it, too, because he smiled. "Remember," he said, softly, "Remember?"
"Yes," I whispered back. Who could forget when they lost their virginity? It had been a novel and not very painful experience. He had made me a picnic dinner, spread a blanket on the grass and we had lain under the stars until four in the morning. We had both gotten into trouble with our parents about the whole thing, but it hadn't mattered. It had been one of the most wonderful nights of my life.
He pulled me close and we sat down on the grass. The grass rustled underneath us. The grass was dying quickly as the frosts came each morning to take away the life of the summer, or so I felt. It was nice, sometimes, though, sitting in the grass even if it was dead. He wrapped his arm around me and we both lit another cigarette. Chain-smoking was on both of our agendas, apparently.
"I meant what I said," he started, shattering the tranquillity. I shuddered and lay down underneath the stars, smoking and watching the sky. I felt at peace and he wanted to bring up the conversation again. "I want to be friends. Real friends and not this other bullshit that we've been doing lately."
"Look, Teagan, that's not a good idea," I said.
"Why the hell not? It's a great idea!" How do I explain to him, without saying it, that I am still in love with him and seeing him all the time would kill me a little bit each time, until I died, I wondered.
"We are horrible together," I said, without realizing what I meant.
Hotly, he protested, "That's crap! We were great together. We were the best things that has ever happened to each other." After a moment, he asked, "Do you regret dating me?"
"No," I said softly. "That's not what I meant. I meant, as friends we weren't good for each other. We can never be friends."
"Why not?" he asked me resolutely.
"Too much as happened between us for us to just be friends, you know that."
"We can work around it."
"Why are you pushing this?"
"Because."
"That's not an answer."
"Yes, it is."
"Fuck off, no it's not. Why the fuck are you pushing this so damned much?"
"Because," he answered stubbornly. I growled at him, deep in my throat. I sat back up and stared at the water as it churned softly in the night. I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him, whisper words of love and promises, and end my night in his embrace. I knew I couldn't for many reasons. Three years ago he had broken my heart by dumping me to "date other people." I had never gotten over him, which was why all of my post-Teagan relationships had been short lived. We had dated for three years, and I had loved him so deeply that I would cry, sometimes, with how much I loved and adored him.
"Whatever," I said, resigned to the fact that he almost always got whatever he wanted out of me. Even post-relationship coital visitation rights.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, everything or anything that. As in, do whatever you want. Whatever. A generalized term for allowing you to do as you please, with or without my consent on the matter. Need I go on?"
"That's not what I meant."
"It's your answer. It's in what I just said."
"I want your consent."
"No. I have ceded to what you wish Teagan. We can be friends. We can hang out regularly. We can do what you want to do." I had an insane thought that he would demand of me to become his fuck-buddy again. It had gone on for five months after we had ended the relationship before I had broken that off. My therapist had told me that what I was doing was detrimental to my mental and emotional growth away from Teagan. In fact, I had broken it off because I was going to be hospitalized. I was in the psyche ward for three months with no one knowing where I had gone, and I had come out with a sensational story that went to the top of the lists almost immediately off the printing presses.
"Fine," he said, angrily. He turned to me and kissed me. I was surprised, at first, before I realized this was what I wanted. I kissed him back hungrily, and threw my cigarette away. I wrapped my arms around him covetously, demanding more and more from his kisses until he pulled away, laughing and out of breath. "Wow," he whispered. I hadn't meant to do that. Was I going to kill myself slowly again? He kissed my nose and pressed his lips to mine again. I held back my passion, but kissed him back. I had a fleeting thought that Lisa was going to murder me in my sleep before he pulled away again.
"I'm sorry, I should have pushed you away," I said, after a moment.
"I thought you said I could do what I wanted?"
"Er."
"Well," he teased gently.
"Okay," I relented and went back to staring at the reservoir. It was so lovely and I had dismal thoughts of throwing myself down the dam that was more or less, a giant pile of rocks. I was ruining my own night pretty well. I didn't need Lisa to do it for me by killing me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek.
"I meant it when I said I missed you."
"You implied it was a friend missing a friend."
"I'm sorry for misleading you."
"Are you?" I asked, suspicious.
"Yes," he said softly. "I have missed you, you know. And not just as a friend. I've missed you from the day that I broke up with you."
"Is that why you left and came back to fuck me repeatedly?" I couldn't help it; I was pretty pissed off at him for leading me on like that.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"Are you?" I asked again.
"Yes, I really am. I just wanted you back, but I couldn't come groveling back, like I wanted to. I didn't think it was manly. Besides, I really did want to try and date other people. See how it felt and stuff."
"And?"
"I don't like it, honestly. It doesn't feel right."
"Are you telling me that, after three years of emotional and mental anguish, you want to come back to me?"
"I was toying with the idea," he said.
"Don't be a jackass."
"I never meant to hurt you. I thought you'd like the idea, too."
"Dating other people when we were planning on marrying when I turned eighteen? Dating other people was supposed to be a great idea when I was set and happy for once? You are a really interesting person."
"Like an onion," he replied, quoting from one of my favorite movies. I smiled, briefly. I lit another cigarette and could easily see my lungs tomorrow; blackened beyond repair and full of carcinogenic collapse. I puffed on it thoughtfully, thinking about our pasts and what he had just told me. He wanted me back.
"What about Lisa?"
"What about her? She's just someone who's there."
"You introduced her to your mom."
"They set the fucking thing up themselves. Mom loves her."
"I thought your mom loved me?"
"She did."
"Not anymore?"
"You fell out of her mind, I guess. Well, no, that's not true. She brings you up now and again. She really did think you were great. She told me, once, that I fucked up. She didn't say that, actually, but that's what she meant. I thought it was odd, but she was right. I really did fuck up. I wanted you to forgive me, but every time we saw each other, I realized that it was less and less possible." He said all of this in a conversational tone, instead of an I-am-begging-you tone. That irked me.
"How'd you realize that?"
"The way you looked at me. I thought you hated me for a while. Lina called me to tell me that wasn't true." I was surprised. Lina had kept in touch with him?
"You spoke with Lina?"
"Often."
"Why?"
"She told me about you."
"That explains why she always told me about you."
"Really, huh?" I had always taken my best friend with a grain of salt, but I often referred to her as a bitch. Now, it seemed she was helping me out without my knowing it.
I said, "I'm not sure how to react to any of this."
"That's understandable."
"I still want to know what about Lisa?"
"Why," he whined.
"Because, I don't want you to hurt anyone."
"It doesn't matter. You were right. We're just fucking. There is no relationship, on my end, anyway. She's tried to get me to date her, but I refused."
"Why?"
"I don't want to be with her. She was just an easy lay."
"I don't think I want to talk about her anymore," I said flatly.
"Okay," he answered. I leaned over and kissed him softly. He kissed me back and wrapped his arms around me. I put out my cigarette and we leaned back against the grass. He climbed on top of me and I giggled. I felt new again, like I had shed some skins and had come out shiny and bright. It was an odd feeling. He smiled down at me and rubbed his nose against mine, kissing me after each swipe of the nose. His kisses grew softer with each press of his lips until it felt as though a soft breeze was caressing my lips.
I was floating on cloud nine, or maybe something a little higher than that and closer to Heaven. It was truly uncanny how if you waited long enough then love would come back to you. I was cynical, however, and I couldn't just take everything at face value. I needed to know, without any uncertainty, that Teagan was in love with me and wanted me back. I wasn't going to get hurt again. I pulled away and asked, "Well, what do you want to do?"
His eyes widened with desire and he started to kiss my neck. I giggled again and pushed him back playful. "That's not what I meant, silly." My voice was husky with emotion.
"Damn," he said. I narrowed my eyes at him, setting him in my sights for a swift kick to the groin. He seemed to feel that was my intention and put his hands up in a surrendering gesture. “Okay, okay. How about we go back to the party?" I thought about it, biting my lower lip.
"I hate to bring it up. What about Lisa?"
"Why are you focused on her?" he asked me suspiciously. I raised an eyebrow. I was quite sure I had already explained that part.
"Well," I drawled, "there are a great many reasons. One, she thinks and may believe that you two are dating. Second, and I have already stated this; I do not want you to hurt anyone on my behalf. Third, she is at the party and may cause problems, either to myself, herself, or you." Deep inside, I was hating myself for being the nice person. All I wanted to do was kick her out of Jeremy's house and take Teagan for my own.
"I can talk to her privately, if you want. She'll leave after that," he said confidently.
"Why do you believe that?"
"Actually, we came in separate cars." As if that explained everything.
"Are you sure you even wanted her there?" I asked, finding too many faults in the story put forth.
"Well. No. Jeremy invited her without my consent. I don't know why, though. She doesn't know Cameron. Never met the guy."
"Excuse to party," I muttered. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. "Or, maybe she wrangled an invitation out of him."
"Why would she do that?"
"Does she know about me?" I asked.
"Well, yeah, actually."
"Does she know that you love me?" I couldn't believe I had said that. A soft smile appeared upon his lips and he gently kissed my nose. It felt so good and it was the proof I had been looking for. He did still love me.
"Yeah," he said, slightly breathless. "She knows all about you."
I laughed. "Why'd you tell her about me?"
"You came up in conversation. We were out, one night, and she asked me if I had ever loved anyone before. I told her about you. Actually, she used to ask me lots of questions about you."
"How... scary," I informed him. It was more than a little odd that Teagan's playmate of the month was morbidly interested in my general existence. Just the thought sent shivers down my spine. He wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my arms to keep me warm. It was a little hard to keep the outer warm when the inner was as cold as ice. Without my even knowing it, I had managed to bag my first stalker. At least, I thought, she hadn't found out where I lived yet and taken my underwear.
"I suppose. I used to ask Lina all about your boyfriends," he said quietly.
"Oh?"
"Yeah. My favorite one was the last guy. That geek that was ten years your senior. What the hell were you thinking?"
"I was exploring my innate sexuality," I replied firmly. I had gotten a whole lot of flack for dating someone so much older than I. It had worked out at first, but in the end, he hadn't proved to be more mature than I was. In fact, he had barely been able to keep a steady job, much less pay his bills on time. The last time I had seen him, he was being evicted.
"That's disgusting," he said. Then, he added, "What was his name?"
"Shawn," I replied tersely.
"Did you and Shawn ever do the dirty?" I knew he was teasing me again.
"Well, if you really must know, Shawn and I had sex on a regular basis. In his car, in my car, on the kitchen table, outside, in the-"
"Stop it."
"Well, I'm not going to ask you a detailing of each of your little chippies, if you must know. I know that your penis probably ended up in one or two of them, given the time that we have spent apart. Therefore, you must assume that somebody else's penis was bound to slip inside my vagina."
"Fine," he said irritably. He started to stand up, but I pulled him down roughly beside me. He stared at me, his eyes narrowed into little slits. I climbed onto his lap and kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his eyes and his nose. He watched me as I slowly melted him the way I had years ago when we were arguing and I couldn't stand for it anymore.
"Let's just not talk about it," I whispered hoarsely. He nodded and kissed me, falling back and taking me with him. I kissed his nose. "Let's go back, and then you can kick her out. How about that?" He nodded enthusiastically. He started to stand up, taking me with him. I wrapped my legs around his middle and he began to head back to his truck. He kissed me fervently while trying to walk up the path towards the gate. Once, he stumbled, which sent me laughing until he shut me up with another passionate kiss.
He made it to the truck without causing serious damage to either of us, although my hair had gotten caught on a low hanging branch. He placed me on the hood while he opened my door. He moved around quickly. We were both waiting for the moment to pop like a balloon and shatter our nerves, as well as our hearts. We both may have thought everything was a dream, and it could have been. I loved him; he loved me. We were perfect once and we wanted to head back down that road without another moment's notice. We deserved it.
He picked me up carefully and then placed me into the passenger seat. He buckled me in and lovingly kissed my forehead. Life was returning to normal. It was wonderful. I could have been happy if I didn't feel like the proverbial second shoe was going to drop somewhere. I was tense and yet, relaxed at the same time. Things couldn't have been more perfect.
We raced back to Jeremy's house at ungodly speeds. The truck seemed to shake every now and then with the effort that he put into it. I swore that he had to be doing better than sixty miles an hour, but I couldn't prove it. We made it back quickly and pulled into the driveway. Teagan nearly hit my car and I cried out, "Hey! Watch my piece of shit! She'll fall apart if you hit her!"
Teagan laughed and we both climbed out of the vehicle. I followed him up the driveway, both of us jogging in our excitement. We jumped onto the side stoop and he gave me a brief kiss that made my heart light with feelings I had long since believed buried or dead. With large smiles upon both of our faces, and our hands firmly clasped, we entered back into Jeremy's house.
It seemed as though nothing had changed. People were still being loud and crowded. Kids were still dancing in the living room, although the beat had changed to something hard and loud. I didn't see any of my friends although I wanted to speak to Lina privately. Teagan was looking for Lisa, I knew, and I was searching for a friendly face in a place that had suddenly taken on acrimonious proportions. I felt utterly alone, even though Teagan was firmly entrenched in my future.
We went to Jeremy's bedroom, which had been termed as the smoking room, illegal substances permitted as much as legal, we found everyone we were looking for. Jeremy was lying on his bed, enjoying what looked like a cigarette, but if I recalled correctly, was probably full of marijuana. Lina was giggling on the bed beside him, running her fingers over his body as if she were suffering from an attack of ecstasy. Danielle was sitting on the floor, speaking in quiet tones with Seth. Cameron and Cassandra were talking to Lisa in a cluttered corner of the room. My blood drained from my face, yet again, and I wanted to pass through the floor, yet again.
"Hey!" Lina called, her eyes zooming in with deadly accuracy on Teagan's and my hands, which were still firmly clutched together. "What's up, Zoë?" She smiled with a knowing smile. I realized that she had probably planned everything out explicitly with Jeremy and had probably suggested to Teagan that we go out on our own. Lisa looked up and her eyes narrowed dangerously. A hot flush turned her skin a bright red. On her cheeks were two of the brightest patches of red I had ever seen. Suddenly, I became very interested in the carpet.
"Hi, Lina, Jeremy," I said quietly. I wasn't sure if they had heard me. I pulled away from Teagan who was beckoning to Lisa for their personal conversation, and sat on the floor beside Danielle and Seth. I desperately needed a drink. My previous beverage consumptions had long since soaked out of my brain and consequently were just turning my liver into a hardened piece of flesh.
"What's wrong?" Danielle asked me. I just shook my head, waiting for screams as Lisa broke a glass bottle and cut my love's throat with it. Nothing happened and within a few moments, Teagan returned. He had a worried look on his face, but it evaporated when he saw me looking up at him hopefully. He smiled at me and sat behind me, his legs stretched out around me. I leaned against his chest and he played with my hair. I couldn't believe it. I was still wearing his leather coat.
I took it off and placed it on the floor beside us when Lina hooted with laughter. I glared at her and her smile widened. "I told you. You never frickin' listen to me, Zoë, but I know exactly what is happening. You two are dating again, aren't you?" Teagan and I both blushed, however Lina was wrong. We hadn't really discussed dating, per se, just that we missed each other, love one another, and couldn't live without each other. Nothing about "dating" had ever come up.
Before Teagan could answer, I replied matter-of-factly, "Actually, nothing about dating ever came up in our conversation. Just some other, personal things." Lina frowned at me and narrowed her eyes in on the two of us. Jeremy sat up and slapped Teagan on the back, offering him his congratulations even though I had just made it quite clear that nothing about "dating" had come up. What on earth is going on? I wondered mildly.
"This is wonderful, Zoë," Danielle offered, interrupting my thoughts. I just smiled at her and she pulled me in for a hug, crushing my feet underneath her. She kissed my cheek.
"Thanks, Danny." Seth also offered his opinion, which was a cooler version of what Danielle had said. I found it amusing, but it was typical Seth behavior. He very rarely, if ever, felt strongly about anything. Except of course for vodka. He felt very strongly that it was a way of life. I had agreed with him for two months, myself.
I vaguely was aware of Jeremy and Teagan talking behind me, but I chose to ignore it. They were speaking in hushed tones, which signified to me that it was none of my business. Lina was smiling at me broad grin that had lit up her entire face. I really was wondering why everyone was so happy. Was I really that much of a buzz kill when I was depressed? And furthermore, was it so obvious? Jeez, I thought, I must be a really horrible person to hang around with when I'm depressed.
"I'll get you a drink," Lina decided. She jumped off of the bed and bolted from the room.
"Well, you know, I do believe that she is acting peculiar," I announced to Seth and Danielle. They both nodded.
"It almost seems like she was planning this," Danielle concurred. I nodded.
"I don't know. She had to have been planning this for months," Cameron said from across the room. I nodded again, acquiescing his point. Cassandra jumped on the bed, her entire body spread out along it width-wise. Her legs hung off of the bed from her mid-thigh down. Cameron sat on her back, rubbing her shoulder muscles.
"Well," I drawled, "Lina is that type of person. She will put out a plan, and even if it takes months, will carry it out. She's pretty weird like that. I mean, shit, I swear to God, she had a plan to break you and me up from day one so she could have you for yourself." I thought I was joking, but I realized that I was telling the truth. I was bitter.
"Nah," Cameron said good-naturedly. "I would have found out about it, I'm sure." He winked at me and I felt like a lot more than Teagan and I getting back together was working out in my favor. I was speaking easily with all of my old friends. I was getting drunk, or would have been if Lina weren’t taking her sweet time. And Teagan was mine, mine, and mine. Maybe I was selfish.
Lina returned with a drink in her hand. It reminded me of a martini however the glass was a simple cup. She had found an olive, but it looked a little worn for wear. It wasn't the best, but she had done well. Teagan looked at my drink, pulling his attention away from Jeremy. "What are you drinking?"
"A martini," I replied. "Well, a dry martini, anyway. It's not bad. Want to try?" I gave him a sip and he shrugged.
"It's okay. When did you start drinking those?"
"Recently," Lina cut in, a mischievous glint in her eyes that I didn't like.
"Just tried it, is all," I replied, shooting darts at her with my eyes. She just smiled at me and winked. She sat down on the bed.
"So, what's going on?"
"Nothing, Lina, why?"
"Just curious, Zoë. I'm allowed to be curious about what's going on in my best friend's life." I knew she was planning something else.
"Right," I said, taking another sip. Seth opted to try some and liked it so much, he went out to make himself one. Of course, that was hardly a surprise. The drink was comprised of his favorite beverage. Danielle followed him out, wanting her own drink. "So," I said, not sure on what to say.
"I'm going to go and mingle," Lina said suddenly. She grabbed Jeremy's hand and pulled him away from his bedroom. I turned around, looking at Teagan with a confused look on my face. Cameron and Cassandra made excuses and left, closing the door behind them.
"What is going on?" I asked.
"I guess they just wanted us to have some private time," he replied softly. I placed my drink on Jeremy's bedside table and sat on the bed. I folded my hands conservatively in my lap while Teagan stood up and stretched. We were quiet for a brief moment before Teagan said; "I have to ask you something."
"Okay..." I said, extremely guarded. The last time he had said those exact words was when he broke my heart. I eyed him anxiously, not really knowing what to expect. "What's up?" I moved on the bed, patting the place beside me.
"Well," he said. He looked to be at a loss for words. I looked at him attentively. I was waiting for that second shoe to drop. He sat down beside me and held my hands in between the two of his.
"Go ahead," I said slowly. I was extremely weary. He stood up and paced again, fumbling around in his pocket. I stared at him, wondering if there was something wrong. Or, maybe Lisa was going to prove to be a huge problem, larger than we had both expected.
"I want you to marry me," he blurted out. I stared at him in disbelief and when he pulled a small, velveteen black box from his pocket, I knew for a fact that I was going to faint. I lay back on the bed, my eyes wide as I tried to calm my racing heart. This is what this was all about, I wondered. How... surprising. He got down on one knee and I sat up quickly, realizing that I was going to have to tell this story to my daughter(s) in my future and I had to act the part of a perfect lady. He opened the box and showed me a large diamond surrounded by a lightly colored metal. Later, I was going to find out it was platinum.
"Um," I said, really having nothing to say. I wanted to scream, I wanted to dance, and I wanted to smother him in kisses and my love. Instead I said, "Um," again. As the seconds passed quickly, his face began to fall, as all I could say was "Um" and remain speechless. His face was forlorn, and I tried desperately to answer him but I couldn't form words. He was about to get up when I pulled him into my arms and kissed him softly.
"Of course, silly," I said. I saw tears spring into his eyes but I tactfully ignored them. He pulled the ring from the box and placed it on my left ring finger, his hands shaking as he did so. I admired it for a moment and then kissed him again. "Is this the whole reason I was forced to come here tonight?"
"Well," he said, looking guiltily away. "I was going to wait a few months before I proposed, actually. However, I thought, why not? I have nothing to lose except you, and I had already lost that once. I'm not losing you again," he said fiercely. He pulled me into a tight embrace and I could barely breathe with the pounding of my heart. I wondered, vaguely, if this is what it felt like to wear a corset.
"How come everybody left so quickly?" I asked in a quiet voice.
"Private time," he said with a wolfish grin. I laughed and ran my fingers through his short-cropped hair. My nails scratched idly at the base of his skull, a place that he had always enjoyed. He moaned softly, his eyes lightly closed. I kissed both his eyelids and then picked up my drink. I took a brief sip and then handed the glass to him. He took a gulp and, with starry eyes confessed, "I have loved you from moment one and that love will be professed upon my dying lips."
I felt elated and kissed his lips. "Thou shalt not die anywhere but within thine love's arms." He was surprised. After many difficult years, and complaints, of Elizabethan language, I had mastered it quite well. He smiled at me, bearing his fangs at me in a sensual manner. He nibbled on my neck, sending shivers down my spine and a tingling within my stomach sprang up. I pushed him away, knowing where that could lead. "Not here," I murmured. He lifted a questioning eyebrow and I blushed.
"Come on," he whispered huskily. He lifted me up from the bed, and held me tightly within his arms. Accidentally, I spilled my drink on his shirt. Laughing, we wiped it away with our hands and he took it from me. "Just in case you feel like tossing it on me, again." I smiled but took it back, taking a big gulp, nearly finishing it off. It was odd how quickly alcoholic beverages could disappear. I polished it off as he opened the bedroom and licked my lips. Lina was standing outside expectantly and looked up, surprised. I eyed her for a moment and pulled my hand from Teagan’s.
"What. Are. You. Waiting. For." I asked. I placed my left hand on her shoulder and propelled her forward, but not before she saw the ring on my finger. She grabbed my hand and with wide eyes, stared at my ring.
"Weh-weh," she said, trying to formulate the proper words. Teagan was blushing slightly, but grinning like a proud papa, of which he wasn't going to be until we were properly married. "Is. Er. Does this..." For once, the loquacious Lina could find nothing to say. I smiled at her and winked. "Are you two...?"
"You have assumed correctly," I told her. She laughed and then, with tears in her eyes, whispered congratulations to me. I blushed and kissed her cheek.
"Where are you going?" she asked, as I started by her.
"We want to be alone, alone," Teagan said thoughtfully.
"Have some things to discuss?" Lina teased. We both blushed, but left the hallway, Lina trailing behind. "Where are you going to be? Are you gonna come back and pick me up in the morning?"
Distractedly, I said, "Sure, when?"
"Call me when you get up," she said, after a lengthy pause.
"Why don't you have Jeremy bring you home?" Teagan asked, as he rummaged in the closet to procure my things.
"Oh, I could, but my mom hates him. Besides, I already told her I was spending the night with Zoë."
"Liar," I said.
"So? You've lied plenty to your mom."
"Yeah. When I was sixteen."
"How many times have I covered for you?" she began.
"Lots," I grumbled.
"Okay, then. You can come back and pick me up. I'll tell my mom that we went over to Danielle's because the party was boring. And, we slept over there."
"Maybe you should call her from your cell phone and leave a message to that effect."
"Mm. That does sound good, Zoë. I'll do that. Better yet, let me use yours." She went to grab my purse but Teagan held it out of reach, waiting for my okay.
"No, just use yours. Besides, mine is probably dead by now."
"Start charging it," Lina said crossly.
"Damn, I forgot my coat," Teagan complained, and with my things in hand, went to grab it.
"Look, Lina. Call your mom from your phone and tell her what you want. I'll back you up, no problem."
"Okay," she said amenable to the idea for no reason whatsoever. Constantly changing, a real chameleon. That was Lina for you. She pulled me into a hug, surprisingly enough since she seemed to hate loving contact. She kissed my cheek and said sincerely, "I'm happy for you, Zoë. I think you guessed that I had this night planned for some time. Not all of it went to plan, but most of it did. I didn't think he'd propose to you tonight, but I'm glad he did. Maybe I can have Zoë back again." I stared at her.
"You knew he was going to propose?"
"Of course," she said. She giggled and then turned to Teagan, who had found his coat. He was holding it out for me to put on. "I hope you guys have a really great night. Don't forget to pick me up, Zoë." She ran away, plunging into the living room that was still alive with thumping, gyrating bodies. I shook my head at Teagan's coat.
"I have my hoodie," I said softly and slipped it over my head. Teagan shrugged and put on his coat. "It keeps me warm, I promise." He eyed me with bedroom eyes and I felt completely at peace for a moment.
We slipped out quietly so as not to have anyone ask us any questions. I left the story telling up to Lina, anyway. She was better at embellishing the truth than I was, and I knew she would come up with a great story, even if it was a figment of the imagination. We headed towards his truck without comment or question. He lifted me into the passenger seat and kissed my lips lovingly before shutting the door.
He climbed into the driver's seat quickly and started his truck. The radio came on and I turned it up, listening intently to the music. He grabbed a hold of my hand and squeezed it tightly. I smiled at him and leaned over to kiss him before he threw his truck into reverse and backed out of the driveway. He put it into drive and floored it down the road. "So, where do you want to go?"
"Your place?" I asked.
"It's a drive," he replied.
"That's okay," I said. "As long as you don't mind coming back here in the morning."
"Nah," he said quietly, "We'll have to visit my mother, anyway, and tell her the happy news."
"That's right," I said, laughing softly. I hadn't seen his mother in years. I wondered if everything would be the same.
We drove down the road, listening to the music and reveling in one another. Every now and then, I'd lean over and kiss his neck or cheek, or he would give me a brief kiss on the lips. We held hands tightly and I felt like everyone could be okay. One of my favorite songs came on and I turned up the radio as we sped through the center of town, passing the police station. "Slow down, Teagan," I cautioned.
"I'm fine," he said, but slowed down anyway. I leaned back and unrolled my window, casually pulling my pack of cigarettes from his pocket. I lit it up and handed him one of his own to smoke. I sighed and he looked over at me. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I said, smiling at him.
"You don't regret anything, do you?"
"What's to regret?" I asked, after a moment of careful hesitation.
"Saying yes, I mean."
"No, I don't regret it. I think today is the happiest day of my life," I answered truthfully. I couldn't remember a single moment that was as happy, even receiving my first royalty check was pale in comparison.
"Just checking," he responded, squeezing my hand and leaving the steering wheel handling to his knee. It never ceased to amaze me how straight he could drive with just one knee. We fell into a silent moment. As we headed onto the highway, heading away from Jeremy's, I felt light and airy. It was a similar feeling to being high, but not quite.
"Mm," I said, closing my eyes. I threw my cigarette out the window, suddenly too weary to bother smoking. I rolled up the window with effort and leaned my head against the glass. Teagan was singing about how he was going to show me his dark secret. I fell into a peaceful place, forgetting time and space, drifting on my own fantasies into a realm similar to sleep.
I woke up suddenly to the breaking of glass and was thrown against the dashboard. I heard something crack and I felt a fire flare up my inside. I cried out, but the pain only got worse as I was tossed into the door. The door fell open and I nearly tumbled out, Teagan grabbing at me frantically, when a powerful force shut it again. Teagan was yelling for me to get down, and I felt close to tears as the pain in my side flared again with each brutal slam into the car door. The door opened again, Teagan grabbing me by my hair this time so that I wasn't sucked out and into the night.
With one final lurch and a loud crushing sound, I banged my head against the dashboard and felt something sticky slide down my forehead. Dazed and confused, I looked around, wondering what was going on. I was leaning against my side, feeling something rub up against my ribs. I thought I had broken a rib or two, but when I moved, the pain shot up my entire side, making me rethink the number of ribs I had injured.
I looked and saw that the truck had landed on its passenger side. My door was completely useless, buckled in, not too mention it looked like it was resting in a creek of some sort. Water was seeping through the cracked glass and I felt the cold immediately. I tried to search for my purse, but I couldn't locate it. "Teagan?" I asked, turning to him. I almost screamed.
The front end had taken damage on his side. The steering wheel had pinned him to his seat. Blood was pouring down his nose and he was wheezing with each breath. I moved over to him, crying out in pain, trying to rouse him. "Teagan, Teagan, wake up," I said, tears in my eyes and in my voice. "Please, please, come on. We have to get out of ear." I tugged at the steering wheel, trying to move it enough to get him out of there.
"Teagan?" I called again, but got no response. Fear soured my throat and my heart, as I reached underneath his seat to try and push it back. I tugged on the lever and the seat moved back a few inches. I took a look at his chest and vomited on the console. Pain ravaged my side a little more and I started to cry, gasping in each breath so as to lessen the pain that had consumed my right side.
I shook him, knowing that there was no hope, but hoping anyway. In the distance, I could hear people screaming and a police siren. "Teagan, please, wake up." I started to cry in earnest when his eyes opened briefly. He blinked a few times, and then focused on me. One eye was closed and puffed looking. A laceration was just above his right eyebrow, dripping blood onto his eyelids and cheeks. I brushed the blood away with my fingers and wiped it on my hoodie. "Teagan, can you talk?"
"Yes," he whispered. He grimaced in pain and closed his eyes. "Get out of here."
"No," I replied firmly, catching my breath and brushing away my own tears. I only managed to wipe his blood on my cheeks. "Stay awake, help is coming. Tell me what happened?"
"Truck going the wrong way," he gasped. "Hit us. My side. Steering wheel pinned me and went down ravine. Rolled over a lot. You screamed." He started to weep. He could barely move but managed to bring his fingers to my cheek. I kissed his fingers and then pressed my lips to his. I tasted blood and knew he was dying. I felt it everywhere. "You screamed."
"Hold on. Help will be here soon," I said firmly. I was trying to act brave, but in fact, I felt like a little girl who watched her pet die. I started to cry again when he began to cry harder. "Please, don't leave me?"
"Love you..." he whispered, instead. I held him close and ran my fingers through his hair. He had cuts all over the back of his head from the blown in glass from his window.
"I love you, Teagan. Please don't die." He gasped and then I heard a rattling in the back of his throat. "NO!" I screamed, "Teagan! Teagan!" I pressed my ear to his throat and nose, but heard nothing. "No!" I screamed again, not caring if I caused a broken rib to stab my lungs. I wanted to die. I wanted to die with him. How could fate be so cruel, I wondered dazedly.
I didn't really know what to do. I had to get out of the truck. I buckled Teagan's body in so as not to let him fall. I pressed my lips to his hungrily and when I got no response, I slowly climbed over him. Sobbing and my mind muddled with overwhelming amounts of sadness, I managed to climb out and on top of the vehicle. It was lying on its side. The driver of the opposite vehicle had killed Teagan with just one hit. I tried not to think about it, but with tears dripping down my cheeks and off of my chin, I jumped down. I landed on my butt and screamed in pain as little pitch forked devils delivered stabs to my ribs.
Moaning and groaning, I climbed up the embankment. Something inside of me was telling me to survive. Even though my one love had been taken from me the day I had gotten him back. Even though my every nerve was saying, "Just sit down, drink some water, breathe some of that water, and you'll be happy soon." I couldn't do it.
With great difficulties, I climbed up the ravine until I reached the highway. I looked at the scene before me and fell to my knees. I vomited again, this time blood coating it a pinkish color. I felt dizzy and rested for a moment. Someone noticed me, a paramedic, lying on the road looking for all intents and purposes like a person hopped up on drugs. "Hey, hey, are you all right?" Someone was asking me. I tried not to pay attention. My head hurt and my ribs weren't doing any better. I waved them away as if they were nothing more than flies to me.
I looked down the ravine, as they lifted me up. I cried softly as they took me away. Tearfully, I whispered, "Love you forever, Teagan." I broke free of their hold and ran back to the edge of the pit. The truck was still there and it hadn't been a dream. One last time, I said good-bye before I let them lead me to the ambulance, ready and waiting.

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