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Alien Challenge Triolet - Wake Up
Wake Up
She hated how they yelled and screamed
and cast suspicion with their doubt.
Theoretical truth and schemes
she hated! How they yelled and screamed,
"Why should we care of your dreams?!"
Deafened by their power and clout,
she hated how they yelled, and screamed
for them to shut their mouths!
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eh, i knew i'd screw it up! haha... oh well...
thanx for the comment and critique though :) |
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Great poem!
I also liked the way you subtley change the meaning of the first line. Especially, 'she hated how they yelled, and screamed/for them to shut their mouths! |
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Comment by: alien - 2007-11-30 02:43
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Awww - this is really good - but the last line should be the same as the second line! It doesn't fit the criteria.
That's a shame, because I enjoyed this.
The meter in the third line is a little suspect - it's hard to make that fit and sound right, though it is 'theoretically' of the right length for the metre. :)
I like how you changed the meaning of the repeated line 1/4/7.
Good poem, just a shame about that last line. |
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