The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it. |
|
 |
 |
 |
| |
Flash
Heat spreads like an acid wash
to cleanse my youth away.
No longer can you watch the blush
heat spread. Like an acid wash,
gone. Glances that gave men pause
now replaced by wrinkles. See the way
heat spreads. Like an acid wash,
it cleanses my youth away.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| Just really like this poem. Words that don't reveal themselves too easily are always a favorite of mine. Great job. |
|
|
So we're dealing with menopause? Clever. In England we say 'hot flush', which is why we might have been a bit slow...
'acid wash' is a very strong image.
I stumbled a bit on the rhythm in places when I read it aloud, but otherwise really enjoyed your choice of words. It was also refreshing to read something about the menopause, which seems so often overlooked, despite being such a major upheaval/trauma/change in virtually every woman's life. |
|
|
| Thanks for your comments! Yes, I wondered if the title was too subtle. I was hesitant to use the full "Hot Flash" as the title. "Men pause" was probably too subtle, too. Hmm. I'll have to think how to make the situation more apparent in the poem. Thanks again - your comments are extremely helpful! |
|
|
Flash..like flash fire?
With that in mind, the poem takes an ominous tone. Its nicely crafted, i love the rhythm of it and your clever use of emjambment.
Job well done! :) |
 |
Comment by: alien - 2007-11-30 03:05
|
|
I read this a few times and it gained in meaning each time - that's one good thing about this poem. The other good thing is the new meanings you've made from the repeated lines and the one subtle change in the second use which adds meaning again (yes, as you know, it's okay to slightly change the lines, as long as it's only slight).
I wondered why it had that title - I think I missed something in that. Maybe next time I read it, it will be clear!
Good poem - I enjoyed that. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
| | Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com |
|
|
|
|
| |
Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S | | |
