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A Way Out
where
is the light
switch
where
is the
win-
dow
where
is the
warm bed
where
did my
friends go
I am a-
lone
here all
things are
cold here
is this what
my life
is all
about now
all that I want
is to find
a way
out
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| i love the way it's typed (was it deliberately thought out like that or did it just happen like that?) it makes it obvious how it should be read and spoken :) good rhythm :) |
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| The break up of the lines gives this an amazing pace and rhythm. Well done, thanks for posting! |
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| I think I see why you broke the poem that way. It changes the questions in nice ways. Where is the light, then switch..almost becomes you changing direction (looking for the way out). I wonder if this was on purpose. I found the style got a old quickly though. When you read it aloud, it feels a bit stilted but I get the feeling you wanted it to do that. Its an interesting piece. Thanks for the read! |
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Comment by: brad19 - 2007-11-29 17:58
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| I love how you set it out. It had a nice rythmic tone to it, which went quite well with the meaning of the poem. You mention in the poem that you're questioning what its about, you want to find a way out - I felt that the way you set it out sort of resembled this sentiment, as in, you are unsure of what life is and that is why it is so fragmented, or bumpy, like a rollercoaster ride. Whatever you were trying to convey, it is an exceptional, short and sweet piece. One of my favourites. |
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Comment by: - 2007-11-29 17:34
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| May I ask why you typed it like that? It's really quite annoy, love, (sorry to say). But other then that I think it's okay piece. |
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