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Intensification of Feeling
what are the roots that clutch
what branches grow out of this stony rubbish
then wilt
spasm
die
insect-like nerve impulses
recharge
what insect feet march along my optic nerve
what electricity
stunned
in the sun
what shivers and sharp-delight
what momentary pleasure - a faded wavelength
usage
strength
an emotional vampire
run down
run out
one more…
scratch card philosophy
dustbin entropy
the law
the law
just one
more…
ecstasy
ah.
what are the seeds we sow
what flowers grow from this chemical tapestry
oxidise
fragment
i can see
i can see
perfectly
what are the species that shriek like rats at love
what voices thrum and chant
escape
into never-say-never-land
slow burn
slow down
retract…
bed side horrorshow
cinematic vitriol
the wall
the wall
is just too
tall
that's entertainment
yes.
what planet is this I am on
may I be dismissed
with a bullet
blade
axe
spade
this anesthetised planet
this topple down hamlet of black
blood
blood
no love
shrugged from the shoulders of the earth
with feeling.
once more…
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Comment by: Sophia - 2008-01-11 07:22
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I think I'm just going to be repeating what others have said here, but I agree this would be great read aloud to an audience. There are lots of open mic nights where you can start out, it took me a while to get up the courage, but in the end it was good, and there were people of all abilities there so not too intimidating.
Again I'm just echoing others but'shriek like rats at love' is certainly great.I really like the way the rhythm changes, but carries the reader with it as well. |
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| Great stuff here, like a moment inside someone's head (yours?) - tight knitted thoughts following one another, written as thought and the feeling of being in a space but with so many ideas. |
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I have toyed with the idea of performing my poems, but I'm still a bit insecure about my ideas and unconventional technique - so I only perform to a few close friends when I can persuade them to listen (nothing beats a captive audience). It would be fun though.
Thanks for the astoundingly supportive comment Patty. |
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| Needless to say, I'm loving this - so intense! So powerful! I agree, the line "shrieking like rats at love" is fantastic. I also love "what insect feet march along my optic nerve"... I love the odd rhythm that's both captivating and unsettling, and the imagery. Hughes' soul is reborn in you. I want to memorise it and recite it to myself. You are getting better and better! |
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| I really liked the way that you started with T.S. Eliot and then exploded in many directions. Just like 'The Waste Land', it was like tuning a radio in and out of many dirrerent stations at once. This is definitely a performance piece; do you perform your poems? I loved many of the spikey images here, but my favourite was 'shrieking like rats at love', surreal, almost - but it's sticking with me! |
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