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The Call of the Pearl
Attracted by some distant shore
Like a celestial appeal it received
A pearl went and let itself float
On the wide wild ocean, deriving
A long travel was waiting for it.
Several times already it tried
The great crossing though each
Ended within some storm and flood
Years it required for the return
To the starting point.
Yet the magnet is casting anew
And the calling is stronger than ever,
The voice has changed, sweeter
The singing has renewed in brightness
Let me hope, let me hope, it was thinking.
Call me, call me again, Encore !
Your far away appeal guides me,
Through and against the tempest
I'll float and few by few I will
Reach your shore, I must do it.
Hold out your hand and catch me !
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Comment by: Valerie - 2008-02-01 06:12
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Ah, this is quite lovely. I like the repetition throughout.
Critique...one minor comment with regard to the 2nd verse, line 1
"several times already it tried" The word "already" seems as though it's an extra word. I thought that maybe you needed the word to complete a beat, but I don't see any pattern with regard to beats or counted syllables.
I felt that, "several times it tried the great crossing" was sufficient. These are just my thoughts. The poem is wonderful either way. |
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| I love this piece....If it was me; I wouldn't change a thing...It is beautiful:) |
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Well, you may be sure I choose the right words in all cases, there's no misunderstanding, and I picked the one that fitted the thought and the meaning, like you try to do in your fifth note.
I've always find it strange this habit to ask a writer to replace the words he/she used. Just the idea someone's reading a poem and in the meanwhile is thinking of changing it, is weird to me.
Anyway thank you very much. |
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Comment by: - 2007-12-02 00:50
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Thank you for the read
Greta |
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