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janedevine
jane devine
United Kingdom, Leeds

Words: 133
Access: Public
Comments: 1

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The choices we make

Our house was perfect.
No it wasn’t big and the children had to share rooms.
Yes the mortgage was large and long.
But it was perfect because you were there.

Then one day,
You were gone and I couldn’t get in.
Where were my children?
And it was all I could do to keep the breath in my lungs.

I can understand and I can agree
that sometimes things just aren’t worth it.
Bloody noses, drunken arguments
Reasons as plain as the nose on my face
But not this time.

Gone is the familiar smell of my love
The welcoming home that was mine
All that I wanted
and I am back amongst the unknown

Swimming against the tide
Fighting with time
Pulling and pushing to find what is mine

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Comments  
WildCityWoman Comment by: WildCityWoman - 2007-12-01 09:26
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This is a charming little memoir, done in poetry.

My suggestions:

Avoid doing the 'yes', 'no' thing.

You're onto something by saying the 'house wasn't big but the mortgage was large and long'.

But that needs to blend into it . . .

Short on space
Long on mortgage
Large on payments

Just a suggestion, of course.

That last 3 line stanza is good.

Carly :-0
1

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By janedevine

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