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Our Own, Honest World
The paper cut myth
Has long died down.
The friend concept
Is just a lonely conspiracy.
Food desinagrates on the ground
The picnic isn't real
Now that you're here with me.
Screeches aren't heard
When screams are louder.
Leave this place
And you'll hear them too.
In your kingdom,
Higher than them,
Their deceit is killed,
And I am with you.
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The paper cut myth
Has long died down.
Were beautiful lines. This was written like a true tragedy. Really well written! |
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Comment by: fredav - 2006-06-17 07:56
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desinagrates--disintegrate.
The line "The friend concept" doesn't work for me though...perhaps you can revise it (just my opinion anyway). Overall, the symbolism you used is pretty good and in time, i know you will get better at it. keep writing. |
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| This really takes me up,up and higher i go,i love the the ending,it's really moving. |
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Comment by: bryanb - 2006-05-14 09:01
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| The symbolism in this poem is very cool, good job. |
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| Min is right. this was pretty disturbing. but i liked it. |
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