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the kiss of death
lays on these lips
tracing a pout
hung low by weights of expectations
faded crimson smears
breaking their borders
to skin still fresh
from your breath
tell-all eyes
keep in what i know of you
closed tightly
behind heavy outlines
and the exaggerations
that hide me
**these are just some rough things I put together...not sure they go together...what do you think?
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I think you need to dig deeper and find out how and if these various images and thoughts fit into a poem or you oculd exaggerate the fragments and go postmodern.
If it's personal to you - is something you feel strongly - then who can say?
Technically, because there is no punctuation it can be inturpreted in so many ways - which is a little confusing. You could say 'weight of expectations' - or 'weights of expectation' - which gives it a different feel... The exaggerations that hide me - that is wonderful. So many good lines the more you read it. I think perhaps all it needs is structure - but then again - it has a structure of its own.
