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The Candy Filled Box
It was only a little cardboard box that she had bought several years ago at a crafts fair just after Thanksgiving. It was covered with royal blue crêpe paper, and there was a little papier-mâché angel that sat on the top. Ellen had thought it was cute, and bought it to hold holiday candy for the kids. Jenny and Caitlyn had loved it, and it was always a big treat to see what kind of candy their mother had put inside. Sometimes the box held wrapped chocolates, other times miniature candy canes, but it was always filled with their favorite sweets, beginning with the day after Thanksgiving. When all the other Christmas decorations had been put away, the angel box, as her girls had called it, was always the last thing to go. Only after all of the candy had been eaten, would it finally be packed away, not making its reappearance until the following year.
Ellen hadn’t put the box out for several years now, ever since Jenny and Caitlyn had gone away to college. It occasionally crossed her mind during the holiday season, but in all honesty, she didn’t see much point to it. In recent years, the girls had never given it so much as a second glance, and although Ellen had filled it, it sat under the tree untouched. Now, as she sat on the floor of the attic, she pulled off the lid, and brought the box up to her nose, noticing it smelled faintly of peppermint. Ellen smiled wistfully as the scent brought back memories of a house once full and bustling at Christmas.
She proceeded to go downstairs, taking the box with her, and after dusting it off, she filled it with the girl’s favorite peppermint swirls, and placed it beneath the tree.
Caitlyn and Jenny arrived home for the holidays shortly before Christmas, and stayed until just after New Year’s. Ellen checked the box several times during their first days at home, only to find it still filled with the mints she had placed inside weeks before. Eventually she had forgotten about it, until it came time to put the holiday decorations away.
As she picked the box up off the floor, she was able to tell by its weight that it was still full. After removing the lid to empty it out, she was pleasantly surprised. The peppermint swirls had been replaced with her favorite licorice, and sitting on top, was a small envelope containing a card. She read its message through tear-filled eyes.
Mom,
Thanks for remembering the angel box, and filling it with candy. It brought back memories of many happy Christmases. We’re hoping it makes a comeback next year, and we’ve put something special inside for a very special mom. We love you…..Caitlin and Jenny...xo
And all this time she thought they had outgrown this simple tradition! Ellen smiled through her tears clutching the box, thinking her daughters unknowingly had given her the most wonderful gift she could ask for.
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| Thank you Jim for your comments and I'm glad you liked the story. You're right about the use of the word little.........wish I had caught that! |
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Comment by: - 2007-12-19 08:44
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First, this is a very sweet (no pun intended) and timely story. It shows the progression of the years, how our kids change and yet, in the end, they really do cling to the family holiday traditions. Very enjoyable and I'm not surprised it won second place.
Spencer caught a couple of things I normally would point out (I'd change the second "little" to "tiny," for example). All in all, though, an excellent write. |
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| Thank you for your comments and suggestions. Although this story recently tied for second place in The Not So Cynical Christmas Writing Contest...I'm happy for your input! |
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A good story, especially at this time of year, nicely sentimental without being mawkish. I liked the characters you created and the warmth of the relationship between the mother and her girls.
From a technical standpoint, I thought this could do with a good edit. Remember, this is flash fiction, so every word counts. You have some you can get rid of. I would go through this piece and be absolutely ruthless about eliminating every unnecessary word..
Specific notes:
That she had bought several years ago – this doesn’t quite make sense in light of the rest of the story and especially the first sentence of the second paragraph. She bought the box several years ago, and she hasn’t put the box out in several years?
The word “little” appears twice in the first two sentences. I’d change one.
You use the word “had” a lot in this story, so much so that it’s very noticeable.
“But in all honesty, she didn’t see much point to it.” – not sure I understood this. Who’s being honest, and with who? Is Ellen being honest with herself? Is the narrator being honest with the reader? I might think about getting rid of the honesty line.
“She proceeded to go downstairs, taking the box with her, and after dusting it off, she filled it with the girl’s favorite peppermint swirls, and placed it beneath the tree. “ Here’s a good example of sentence you can be ruthless with. How about: “She took the box downstairs, dusted it off, filled it with the girls’ favorite peppermint swirls, and put it under the tree.”?
Hope you find something here that’s useful. Despite all these nitpicky comments, I really did enjoy your story. |
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