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The Penny Dropped
She used to pull at her eyelashes, blowing each thick, black stalk from her fingertips, making wishes. Always the same wishes.
She never stepped on the cracks. Even when she saw them everywhere, she crept around them, pretending they wouldn't get her.
She stood at the wishing well, a coin growing warm in her clenched fist, and closed her eyes, willing away what was right in front her. She looked again, saw him caress his lover's cheek, kiss her pale hand, laugh into her blue eyes.
Her fingers uncurled and her shoulders slumped as the penny dropped into the black hole.
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Comment by: karjon - 2007-12-20 16:06
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Oh, damn - I've missed comments again. Apologies, and thanks to Rollingbolus, Dylan and Glen. Much appreciated, even though it may have seemed like I was ignoring you.
Hi Valerie
Aye, I pondered over stalk - but looking at one of my own, thick, wrenched, stark and black, it seemed appropriate. 'Fringe', while I love the alliterative effect, doesn't seem right - can one hair/lash constitute a fringe?
Hmm - you've got me thinking, and I'll keep thinking.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Cheers
Karen |
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Comment by: Valerie - 2007-12-20 07:10
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I read this several times, but would always come to a stop to ponder over the word "stalk" in the very first line. It seems as though stalk is not a befitting word for an eyelash, but rather "fringe" would be more descriptive.
Consider the alliteration of "fringe" and "fingertips." All the letters of "fringe" can be found in the word, "fingertips."
Aside from my intrusion, this is gorgeous writing, and I love the irony of the last line. I usually don't read short stories, but I might decide to, after reading your work. |
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Seems like the ending was missing a little bit more, but amybe your idea to leave the reader, ???
Glen Yumang Manese |
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I get the same feelings as the other readers... a great story, yet one that holds intrige. Who is the man? What is she wishing for? There are questions but that's what gives this story meaning, IMO.
As always, very well written, and nothing to comment on regarding errors - there simply were none.
Dylan. [Your #1 fan ;)] |
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| Nice piece, especially the first paragraph for the wishful desperation it shows, or maybe that should be desperate wishfulness. Either way i really liked it, good ending with the (hallucination?) of what she wanted to wish away.. |
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"Wonderful World of Worders"
A collection of micro-fiction by 72 writers, from 27 countries, compiled by Jenni Doherty, published by Guildhall Press with support from the Arts Council of Northern Ireland.
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