 |
 |
 |
| |
He Will Hurt Us No Longer
“Quick! Shine the torch over here!”
Caught in the narrow beam of light, his whiskers trembled. More beast than man, he was in trouble.
“Watch him! You know what he’s like!” She removed the bed cover to see what was going on, aware that his fist could at any moment thwock her hard. His eyes watched her as she tried to make sense of the two flesh coloured duck eggs, nestling in the chopped jelly substance of his incontinence aid.
“Jesus! He’s shredded the diaper and his goolies are caught! Get the scissors.”
His eyes widened in terror as the nurse briskly returned wielding an enormous pair of scissors.
“Couldn’t you find a smaller pair anywhere?”
“Nope, this is the only pair around.”
No point trying to reassure this man, who no longer spoke their language. Drawing breath, she gently cut the plastic pad away. He watched, his hands no longer clenched against them, eyes still fearful.
***
Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
| At first I thought it was a baby being referred to, but an old man with dementia makes perfect sense as well. It often happens in hospitals or nursing homes, and the descriptions are vivid enough to make you think twice about sending your grandfather to one. |
 |
Comment by: wizzer Online- 2007-12-07 02:28
|
|
thankyou! isn't it funny the things that come up. i guess that's why i write as it is very unsettling to look after people who have lost so much of their brain function. we have some very funny ones but beware the lewey (that's the correct spelling) body dementia as from what i've seen it seems even nastier than alzheimers etc.
depressing thoughts really
xxx geordie |
|
|
| Your vivid description sucks the reader in to quite an unsettling story were it not for the appearance of the nurse. This works as a snapshot and a good realistic slice of hospital life (i especially like the sense of pace in the words) but it could do with more detail or as the beginning of something longer perhaps? I didn't find it confusing except for maybe how he got his plums knotted up in plastic. I thought for a moment that the nurse was going to snip them off, glad that didn't happen! |
|
Comment by: wizzer Online- 2007-12-06 12:06
|
|
thankyou for the comment! it is a true story. as people age they do lose hair and these nads (never heard of that one!...love it) were baby smooth because they had started to swell because they were caught.
who knows what he actually understood but he was a feisty bugger. all too sad really ....ok so the part about he will hurt us no longer wasn't true but the rest was! nursing! a very weird job at times
thankyou again. i am learning so much!
xxx geordie |
|
|
I found some of the imagry confusing here, possably due to linguistic and cultural differences.
'flesh coloured duck eggs' made me think of gonads, so i got that right, but i imagined young 'nads. Eggs are smooth, 'nads are not, unless they belong to my infant son.
Which brings me to the next point, mention of the diaper. Again this screamed 'child' to me, though this conflicted with the mention of whiskers, i was thinking, mutant ?
The mention of the nurse calmed things down a bit, but again i was confused by the deliberate non communication. He may no longer be able to speak, but can he understand their words. Then again if that is the case, the pitch and tione of the spoken word is more important in communication than the words being spoken, just a calming voice helps.
Sorry but i found this a very confusing story, which lacked some realism. |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
