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Chris Millar
Chris Hastie
United Kingdom, East Sussex, Eastbourne

Words: 100
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Dead Lucky

The penny fell, slowly at first, twisting and twirling as it descended towards the bucket on the ground. James watched, mesmerised as the flashing lights reflected off the bronze, pitted surface. The coin straightened up and landed on the side of the tub. There it paused, impossibly resting on its side, on the lip of the well. James let out an ear piercing, excited scream, hoping, willing the penny to move. Slowly it tipped, and rolled cascading into the bucket where it landed with a satisfying ‘chink’ as it came to rest, nestling among the other coins and synthetic snow.

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Comments  
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 - 2007-12-19 09:53
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Cute story. Was the boy tossing coins into the bucket? Some entertainment for someone-I would be there to empty the bucket, hehe.
karjon Comment by: karjon Online- 2007-12-09 14:04
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Lovely descriptions and you caught the child's excitement very well. The two pieces do stand alone perfectly well, but I like the way they link.

One crit:

I'm not convinced that one penny could 'cascade'.

Thanks for the read.

Cheers

Karen
L amour Comment by: L amour - 2007-12-08 23:15
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very clever...i don't really understand it but i enjoyed it anyway, and the suspense is just right as well as the descriptions!!!
hx Comment by: hx - 2007-12-07 12:09
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Nice, very nice indeed. I won't pretend to understand what's going on here (but hell, I like it when that happens)...but as an exercise in pure writing goodness, this excels. Write on.
Rachel Escott Comment by: Rachel Escott - 2007-12-06 10:51
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... comment continued... I think the scream worked so well coz we all foreground visual descriptions in writing, so when another sense kicks in, it's very striking. Must remeber that myself...
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