writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
cenaslady4
tammy mcglade
United States, nebraska, omaha

Words: 286
Access: Public
Comments: 1

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Christmas Baby

There I was, six years old. We had been staying with our aunt and uncle for the past week, in case mom went to the hospital to have her new baby.
Christmas morning came early, I couldn't wait to open my presents, they had been teasing my young mind for a week and I was hoping for something special from my mom and dad.
My younger brother, Perry and I ran out to the hide a bed in the livingroom to wake our parents, they were missing... We ran to our uncle's room and jumped on his bed,
" Where's mom and dad?" I asked
" They are at the hospital having a baby sister or brother."
" Oh, well can we open presents now?"
Our faces fell when we were denied, until our father got home. We sat and pouted until, our uncle finally relented and let us open one present each. We played with our one new toy impatiently until the phone rang.
I was so excited when my aunt told me i was the proud owner of a baby sister. Perry wasn't so happy. He had wanted a baby brother and locked himself in the bedroom. When dad got home, Perry refused to even talk to him. He was mad at dad.
A few days later, mom and my new baby sister came home. I held her right away, but it took Perry a few minutes to warm up to her. They still fight to this very day.
Even thou, I had to wait for my presents, I guess I got something much better.... My little sister, Laura, but don't tell her I said so!!!

Want to comment on this Short Stories?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Short Stories and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
Thunderpen Comment by: Thunderpen - 2007-12-22 12:49
Add to Readers
      
-"...out to the hide a bed in the..." I could see it, read it more easily/quickly if it was linked like this:
"hide-a-bed".
-"...they were missing." Better as a sentence unto itself. Esp since it is connected to a sentence before it by an illegal alien comma that is wanted in three southern states for weak linking.
-"thou" ... is this a Biblical passage? I think you want " tho' ". Elsewhere I gave you a gentle demerit for using "thou" (for tho') because your piece held to a higher voice. "Tho' " would be fine in this piece because you have assumed the voice of a much younger person.
-I like it. A lovely tale.
1

Sponsored Ads


By cenaslady4

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S