writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
larciero
Leila Arciero
Online
United States, NC, Wilmington

Words: 275
Access: Public
Comments: 3

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




North Carolina in Winter

Coastal North Carolina at sunset,
is like an upside down bowl, a colorful dome resting
over the hard surface
of roads and highways, cold earth.
The lip of the bowl is dusty
pink, a cliché rose color.
the bottom of the bowl is deep
blue, like the Pacific ocean.
Between the pink and the blue there are layers
Up from the pink are thin
almost indecipherable colors:
purple, orange, red, gold.
The blue covers most of the bowl,
ocean blue, turquoise, baby blue, cerulean.
Hues of Blues.
The sun has a tendency to shine red
setting the top half of the pine trees on fire.
There is a random star, perhaps a sliver of moon.


After the sun sets
and the sky is newly dark.
The crisp air makes things too vivid
surreal
The sky goes beyond dark.
It’s a sucking black.
Fading flickers of wannabe stars sputter and die
street lights illuminate everything but
at the same time nothing, soft colors.
Noise is amplified,
Car doors slam and echo
A sigh is heard by the universe.
The chill is deafening, numbing
Freezes up your heart, keeps it still for a moment.


In early morning before the sun rises
before it looks like there will ever be a sun again.
After the sucking black
has relaxed into a state of comfort.
The stars come out.
Too many, blinking on and off.
Then there is the thumbnail of moon
The hiding shy moon, just over the pine trees.


This is my poetry for North Carolina,
sky bowls and moon nails.
This is what I write for you,
my new home, my South by the sea.

Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]
Comments  
KeikoAlvarez Comment by: KeikoAlvarez - 2008-02-05 16:42
Add to Readers
      
I agree. Sometimes there are phrases that "say it all". In you case, it is "pink, a cliché rose color." I have been in North Carolina in the winter. I found it bare and barren, yet you make it seem wonderful. I may have to go again (reluctantly!)
Apollo Comment by: Apollo - 2007-12-12 12:33
Add to Readers
      
Wow. I really like you're description and word choice, "pink, a cliché rose color." I feel like you say so much in that one line. I also really liked this section "The crisp air makes things too vivid surreal The sky goes beyond dark. It’s a sucking black." It was like I was there experiencing it... I look forward to reading more of your writing...
tristanmmang Comment by: tristanmmang - 2007-12-10 14:21
Add to Readers
      
I think your paintings of nature are some of my favorite, especially the way you "freeze" things and linger. I think you are a natural transcendentalist with a really unique sense of empathy for human expression and its relationship to our natural surroundings.

Some possible suggestions:
It seems like you need some kind of pause or reworking after
"Between the pink and the blue there are layers" and before "Up from the pink are thin..." Also your listing of colors is nice and "pastoral," but I lose that beautiful cadence which develops before its start. I think sometimes you get to specific or direct and the poem loses that "hovering" quality. Just some humble personal suggestions, I love it as is, great job and keep 'em coming!
1

Sponsored Ads


By larciero

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S